We made on Best of Redditor Updates (again), of course I have to address it...

Thank you to those of you who pointed out that our story made it to “Best of Reddit Updates” again.

I’m always curious about the why, when, and how our story is still engaging to people even a year later. This round felt pretty familiar — the same general comments as always:

“This is so fake.”

“No one can be that naïve.”

“Well, no matter what, it wasn’t sexual assault.”

“No one is dumb enough to go into a man’s hotel room alone.”

I’ve heard it all before. I get it. I’ve addressed each one of those comments until I’m blue in the face — and fingertips.

What was different this time was how many truly supportive messages I received. Not just in Reddit chat, but here on this blog, and even in my inbox from people who found my email (danniynnad@gmail.com). The creator of the r/BORU thread even sent me a very sweet private message — sharing that they’d had a similar Texas upbringing and could easily imagine my story happening to people they knew.

My sisters have always been on the outside looking in with this whole Reddit thing. They asked me why so many people send their support privately instead of posting publicly on the thread. They’re not redditors, but I told them — just look at that BORU thread and notice which comments get upvoted versus which get downvoted and dogpiled. After reading it themselves, my younger sister summed it up perfectly:

“Wow. That’s not a discussion board. It’s like a slot machine of hatred — you lose no matter what.”

I couldn’t have said it better.

The spike and the silence

My blog views spiked like crazy this week. I haven’t even had the chance to go through all the new comments yet. Blogger is terrible for conversation threads, which is why I usually cross-post to Reddit.

And since I still feel safely anonymous here — and most comments have been positive — I guess this falls under the old saying: “Any publicity is good publicity.” Sure, you can find some truly negative comments here too, but I won’t respond to those. If someone feels the need to make an entire account just to leave a nasty comment on a stranger’s blog — one that has zero impact on their life — I think that says far more about them than it does about me.

When I was still religious, I would have prayed daily for those people to be happier in their lives. I guess in a way, I still do.

Why keep doing this at all?

A genuine question I often get — woven into even the positive comments — is: Why keep talking about it? Why not just let it fade away?

And the other one: If you’re really trying to help yourself and others, why not go fully public — influencer-style?

I ask myself both questions all the time.

The answer to the first one changes, but lately I think of this blog as a sort of semi-public atonement. I’m blessed — beyond what I deserve. That blessing might come from God (big G or little g), dumb luck, my parents’ and grandparents’ hard work, or my own efforts to hold onto what matters. But I know I’ve had advantages most people don’t.

Not necessarily just material things, but privilege in the truest sense. I grew up in a neighborhood so safe that when my little brother’s bike was stolen eight years ago, it was treated like a true-crime mystery we still talk about. I met the love of my life at 13, and we didn’t end up another hillbilly Texas tragedy. I’ve never gone hungry. My parents sacrificed for me to train at an incredible gymnastics gym — something that still benefits my health today. And most of all, I have three amazing kids.

Keeping this story public is my way of reminding myself how fast all of that can vanish if I’m not careful.

Because the truth is — by pure luck — I walked into a hotel room in Mexico with a man so physically out of shape that I was able to scare and fight him off. He could have fought back harder. There could have been other men waiting. My drink could have been drugged. I could have been killed and dumped in the water, never to be found.

And if I had been raped… who knows what version of me would have come back to my family?

What actually happened was bizarre — he backed off, apologized, and then asked me to make sure he didn’t throw up in his CPAP mask. As insane as it sounds, I lived it.

If I keep it fresh in my mind, maybe next time I won’t be so stupid.

Why not go fully public?

This is harder. I’m a true extrovert who loves people, and the idea of being more public is exciting. But the first time our story blew up on Reddit last year, there was real hate — even threats directed toward my kids. I can take it, but I will never make an irreversible choice for them.

Some families do manage to be public without overexposing their kids, but mine are so central to my life that I know I’d struggle to keep them out of it. Not intentionally — but because they’re woven into everything I do.

So for now, I stay here. Semi-public. Still very real. Still trying to be a good person. Still loving my kids and my husband.

A couple of quick notes:

1. Blogger has started automatically inserting Google links into posts. I have no idea how to turn it off, I don’t endorse them, and I make zero money from this blog.
2. On BORU, some accused me of writing ChatGPT fiction. Full disclosure: I do use ChatGPT — for editing. I was horrified at how many grammar mistakes I was putting out there as a former teacher. I write my blog first, then ask for an edit, and then usually edit that edit so it keeps my voice.

For reference my original blog: 

Thank you to those of you who pointed out our story made it to best of reddit updates again, I am always so curious about the why, when and how our story is still somewhat engaing to people even a year later. 

This time was mostly the same I guess, same general comments:

"this is so fake"

"no one can be that naïve" 

"well no matter what it wasn't sexual assault"

"no one is dumb enough to go into a man's hotel room alone." 

I've heard it all before, I get it, I've addressed each one of those comment until I'm literally blue in the face and the finger tips. 

What was different this time is how many truly supportive comments I received in the reddit chat, on this blog and mostly people finding my email address (danniynnad@gmail.com) and sending me private notes of support. In fact the creator or the r/BORU thread sent me a very sweet private message offering not only support but telling me how they had a similar Texas upbringing and could see my story happening to any number of people they knew growing up. 

My sisters have always been sort of on the outside of this viewing in and one of the things they asked was how come people direct messsage your email instead of offering their support on the thread. They are not redditors but all one has to do is look at that Boru thread and see what comments get upvoted and get postive reactions and which ones get downvoted and turn into feeding frenzies of their own. After they actually read the thread my younger sister said something like "wow that's not a disucsison baord, its like a slot machine of hatred where you lose no matter what." I think she said it better than I ever could. 

So one thing for sure is my blog views spiked like crazy and I haven't had a chance to go through all the new comments (the blogger space is horrible for creating and carrying on a conversation, which is why I always cross post to reddit) and since I feel safely anonymous still and most of the comments here were psotive, I guess it falls into the category of any publicity is good publcity. If you look hard enough you can find some truly negative comments here on some of my blogs. I am not going to adreess those individaully, I think it speaks volumes to the life state of someone who would feel the need to create an entire account to say something negative on a blog space that has litterally zero impact on them. I've dramtaically faded from my religion over the past year but back in the days where I prayed every day, I would truly pray for those people to be happier in their daily lives. 

The genuine question that kind of gets woven into the positive comments is sort of along the lines of why I am still doing this. Why not just let it fade away or lean into the influncer aspect of this and use my minimal virality to lean into a more public "influencer" type public interaction with the public. Both of these are questions that I ask myself on a daily basis. 

My reasoning for the first part changes all the time, but the one I land on lately is that this blog and keeping this public is some sort of semi-public atonement for all the great things I have in my life. I can't deny that I am a truly blessed person. Whether those things come from god (big G or little g), dumb luck, the hardworkd of my parents and grandparents or even me working hard to grand and hold what is imporant to me, I know I have so much more than than most people will ever have. And not necessarily in the way of matieral things, but that ever conterversial notion of privilege. I grew up in a neighborhood that was so safe, my little brothers bike getting stolen 8 years ago is still a major trauma and discussed as a "whodoneit" the way people listen to true crime podcasts. I met the love of my life when I was 13 and we didn't turn out to be just another hill billy Texas love story gone wrong of two people inflicting a lifetime of truama on each other because our pre-frontal cortexes weren't fully dveloped. I've never been hungry, my parents were able to afford what amounted to a second mortange every month for me to be in an amazing gymnastic gym that still gives me advantages in terms of health, strenggh and longevity. And I am most of all blessed with 3 amazing kids who fill my life with even more than I deserve.  And all that just scratches the surface of the advantages I have in my life. 

So I kind of settle on the fact that if I keep it somewhat public--what happened to me in Mexico and the horrible choices I made leading up to it, I can keep it fresh about how quickly all the good stuff can go away if I'm not actively working to protect it. By being the best person that I can be. Again by pure luck I went into a hotel room with a man who was so physically out of shape that my 5'1 self was able to scare and fight him off of me. He could have found the strength to push back, to hold me down. He could have had other men waiting in that room for me, he could have drugged my drink, he could have killed me and thrown me in the water down there and who knows if I would have ever been found. And say I was actually raped...who knows what shell of myself would have come back to my family. And all of those horrible options are just as conceivable as what actually did happen-he backed off apologized and asked me to ensure he didn't throw up in his cpap mask--whcih in itself sounds insane but I lived it.  If I keep it fresh, then my hope is should I ever be in a simlilar circumstance I won't be so stupid next time. 

So the other question that sort of got woven in to the questions (again it's not a lot, I don't want people to think  I'm inundated with private message and emails-it's enough that it surprises me but I'm far from "popular") is why not be more public--if I'm really trying to help mysel fand others, really put myself out there. And as a true extrovert who loves people I think this would be amazing. me from it, first was some of the hate, vitriol and even threats of violence directed towards my kids in those early days of reddit last year. I feel like I can handle it and I'm sure it was just internet nonsense. At the same time I don't ever want to make a choice for them that I can't take back. And while there are familes that do find some sucess beng public while obscuring their kids, my kids are so central to my life I dont know if I could actually do that--and not that I'd do it on purpose, it's just that they are so woven into everything I do.

So yeah that's where we are. I imagine things are going to die down for a bit and then probably pop again the next time we appear on r/BORU or similar recap blog or reddit page. But I'm still here--still very real, still what I like to think is a really good person and still loving my kids and husabnd. 

Oh a couple of things..

1. Blogger is doing this new thing where they automcially insert google links into your blog. I am not quite sure how to turn it off, I am not endorsing them nor am I making any money from those links (nor do I make any thing from this blog) 

2. One thing that came up quite a bit on f/boru was that this is just chatGPT fiction. In full disclosure I am using chat gpt to help me edit. I was horrified that I was a school teacher and producing such poor grammar and poorly spelled blog posts. I always write out my blog first then ask to edit, and then usually edit chatGPTs edit bcause it never gets my tone correct. To show this, I'll keep the blog I wrote below the edited version of the blog.