Star Wars, trying to be a good mom and finding out my husband was a perv!

So, no big real-life updates—stay-at-home momhood is still one of the most boring yet insanely fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I rushed back to work after both Abby and TJ were born because, while I loved being a mom, I didn’t think I’d be fulfilled without teaching. The circumstances were different back then—when Abby was born, we were living in Alabama and I was just subbing. There were a couple of other moms on base I trusted to watch her.

By the time TJ was born, we had moved into our house in Texas, and I had my mom and older sister steps away—both thrilled to help with the kids while I took my first full-time teaching job. But here in Arizona, we’re pretty much on our own. Sure, we have Evie, but she’s student teaching and wrapping up some remote classes, and while her help is invaluable, I can’t pile any more responsibility on her just because I might get the itch to work again.

Of course, Ashley loves having me home—24/7 access to your own on call feeding machine sounds great to me too. Abby mostly tolerates it, though I think she misses the version of me who came home frazzled and juggling 20 different things. The mom who’d just unload the dishwasher herself rather than remind her three times to do it. Now I’ve got the time and energy to stay on her. Sorry, kid.

But the one who really loves having me home after school? TJ. He’s always been my little extrovert, the one who shares my energy and enthusiasm, and now he gets me all to himself for a few hours every afternoon. He blasts through the door, trailing school stuff and clothes from the entryway to wherever he finally flops down.

Lately, the thing he wants to do most? Watch Star Wars with me.

Did you know there are like 10,000 hours of Star Wars content on Disney+? I didn’t. I thought there were a few movies and that was it. I’m really trying to get into it for him…but I don’t think I’m wired for sci-fi. Still—I’m giving it a go.

Before this latest Star Wars surge, I had seen exactly one Star Wars movie. I know this for a fact because I asked Bubs to verify. It was summer 2005, and the movie was something about Revenge—he says it was Revenge of the Sith. We had been dating for about two months and were in full-on puppy love. His mom was driving to San Antonio and offered to drop us off at the Alamo Quarry theater. A movie date? For me? Are you kidding?

At that point, Bubs had already seen it five or six times. He was 13 and laser swords and robots were basically his love language. On the hour-long drive, his excitement was infectious. He was talking about characters I didn’t know, someone getting burned alive, someone else dying in childbirth...ok, yikes, but if you’re excited, I’m excited too! Then came five-armed robots and spinning spaceships, and honestly? I was into it. Kind of.

The movie opened with a space battle that made me super motion sick. I had to close my eyes. Bubs, of course, was glued to the screen—it was adorable to watch him. But after that? I got bored. Like, really bored. So bored that I actually fell asleep…for most of the movie. I vaguely remember Bubs nudging me awake when the “really bad guy” got out of surgery because it was apparently so cool. Didn’t make sense to me then, doesn’t now.

So that’s my Star Wars history. But now I want to be there for TJ—he’s just as obsessed as Bubs was. Since I got back from Texas, we’ve been watching the movies in TJ’s order (which apparently is not the same as the actual numerical order?). I hate sounding glib because I am loving the time with him…but I still don’t get it. Like, in Episode 5—which is apparently the second movie?—how did we go from the abominable snowman to giant robot dogs being attacked by planes?

I was not-so-gently corrected: “Those are AT-ATs, Mom!”

Yesterday we were watching one of the newer ones—The Force Awakens, if I’m getting it right—and I really did like that the lead was a girl. But, just like 20 years ago, I passed out on the couch. Poor TJ must’ve been heartbroken, but he’s sweet enough to understand. I’m still up most nights with Ashley, and he gets it. I woke up to Bubs getting home, Evie making dinner, and the movie long over. One of those naps where you wake up and think you’ve entered a parallel dimension.

TJ took it all in stride. At dinner, I apologized and promised I’d rewatch it with him the next day. He said that would be fine. Bubs chimed in: “It’s cool, bud. Sometimes a girl falling asleep at the movies is a good thing.”

TJ asked what he meant. Bubs probably didn’t expect anyone to notice the comment, so he scrambled a bit and said, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Naturally, that got my attention.

Later that night, after everyone was in bed, I asked Bubs what he meant. He said, “Do you remember seeing Star Wars when we were 13?”

I said I remembered being bored out of my mind and falling asleep—20 years together, why would I lie?

He said, “Exactly. You fell asleep, curled up in your chair, and the way your tank top was cut...I could see right down it. I even caught a little nipple peek.”

I was like, “DUDE. I was maybe an A cup! You’re lucky I didn’t stuff my bra for that date!”

He said, “Boobs are boobs, Dani. And the view you gave me was so perfect, I actually saw less of that movie than you did. I only woke you up when you moved and ruined my view.”

So...yeah. Apparently, 13-year-old Bubs was a tiny perv. Which isn’t exactly shocking—I was there. But what is shocking? That he kept this little detail to himself for 20 years. And I had to sit through hours of Star Wars (sorry again, TJ) to get the reveal!

You think you know a guy.