popping the zit in my husband's earlobe...

There are many times where I am reminded how much fun this little community is. This week was one of them. So there has never been a single topic that has garnered more comments, emails or direct chat's on reddit than the status of the pimple on my husband's earlobe...and I think it was sort of an off hand remark that one of us made in the comments...not even part of the blog. I wish I could say I didn't understand or thought this was weird but I am a popping fanatic. Pimples, splinters, ingrown toenails, all things I have such a weird obsession with. I can scroll through hours of disgusting popping videos and be revolted by every one of them but still scroll on. Before popping became a think on the internet, I really thought I was crazy so it's been nice to find there are other people as weird as me...heck some of you are as weird as me! 

So before I get to the current zit, I'll explain a bit. Both Bub's and I were pretty lucky in that we had mostly clear skin although from time to time both of us would get pretty big one-off pimples. They were mine to pop, it was a condition that was more or less signed in blood when he decided to become my boyfriend. Now that we're older they are much fewer are farther between of course but I light up and get gleeful whenever I see or feel one forming because I know I am in for an utterly grotesque treat. 

I can remember the first zit of Bub's I ever popped and I can remember the best zit of Bubs I ever popped. The first one was he had a blackhead that looked like a truck tire right on his lip line. We were getting ready to make out and all I could think of as he went into kiss me was that I would much rather squeeze the blackhead. I told him to stop and I just reached out with two fingers and squeezed away at the skin just over his lip. He howled in pain and demanded to know what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't get a good grip so I pulled some major emotional blackmail and told him that if he loved me and if he wanted to make out with me, he had to let me get it out. He agreed so I pushed him on his back and straddled his chest and went to work. He howled and screamed and I felt so powerful sitting over the top of him like that.  It was one of those huge black heads that leave you wondering how thick the human skin really is because it was about 3/4th of an inch long. It was incredible and I didn't need to make out because I was completely satisfied but I guess I owed him. 

The best zit I ever popped was the main reason I was so excited to find that he finally had another one on his earlobe. This one was glorious. I know for a fact it was just after his grandpa got him his truck (which we still have) and I literally felt like I was a queen being driven around in a chariot it was so awesome. As he was driving I was flirting with him by twirling his hair, scratching his neck and just sort of caressing him where ever I could. I bumped his earlobe and it felt so hard and inflamed and he sort of jumped. It didn't look out of the ordinary so just sort of instinctively I put my thumb and forefinger around the the biggest part of the lump and gave the tiniest squeeze. It exploded. I mean there was gunk all over my hand, all over my seat...like I don't know how his tiny little earlobe held that much volume of "stuff." He screamed "oh my fucking god what is wrong with you that hurt so bad!!!! you're going to make us crash!!!" I told him to pull over since I needed to wipe my hand off--secretly I knew that as soon as he stopped I was going to climb over and sit next to him and drain that sucker. He hadn't even set the parking break when I jumped up and sat on the center console with one leg behind his back and one in his lap for leverage and had a death grip on his head so he couldn't wiggle away. I was laughing so hard as he keep telling me "you're crazy!! you're crazy!! people are going to see us!!" I could not have cared less. As soon as I got him to sit still I went in for the kill and this time squeezed with a lot more pressure and even more came out!! It was so disgustingly  amazing that I was in heaven. Bubs howled in pain and I told him to stop being a baby and squeezed on more time and got even more gunk out. I don't know for sure but I would bet the volume of goop would have filled a sewing thimble and it came from his earlobe. Not only was it so much but it had the most amazing crunch sound when it erupted the second and third time I popped it. I probably remember that zit better than I do my own wedding day. 

So on like Tuesday or Wednesday when Bubs casually announced that he had something hard in his earlobe I was like--you better not tease me dude. Fatso Dani jumped out of bed and tried to pin him against our vanity to get a better look. I barely grazed it and he yelped in pain and I could see that it was very red and inflamed but this time it seemed like the "hole" was on the back of his earlobe. He claimed he was late and didn't have time to mess around with me. He's lucky that I'm pregnant and theoretically on bed rest because under normal circumstances he would not have left the house with that thing in tact and if he tried to leave, I would have followed him.  When he joked that he'd popped it himself in the chat I was truly heartbroken for a second. There are a few things he could do that I would never forgive--one would be cheating, but far worse would be squeezing a zit that I had my heart set on. 

So that evening he got back he finally relented and laid down on the bed to let me do my thing. I was right in that it popped out the back--sadly it was a little anti-climatic. It came out pretty easily but it was just a small little plug and a lot of blood--which is still fun but not what I was hoping for. I've never done hard drugs, I've heard that the 2nd through thousandth hit are never as good as the first . I assume that's what popping the perfect zit on your boyfriend/husband is like--you are always chasing that dragon. 

Till next time Bubs--and grow up, I have to squeeze hard for them to come out. It never hurts as bad as your winging makes it sound you baby.