In case my kids ever find this, Abby I love you so much and can't believe you are 9.

 It was 9 years ago today (although I'm posting this a day late) that we rushed to hospital in Alabama to welcome our little girl into the world. I was a super nervous first time mom and I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for several weeks and it wasn't our first trip to the hospital. Bubs had hosted a poker night and had engaged in some wacky military antics with his classmates that honestly made me question whether or not I had made the right decision in having kids with him--but it was too late. He and his friends had called the poker game and gone to the hot tub in our apartment complex sometime after I had made them all food and tried to get them to relax. It was about 4am and I woke up and the bed was absolutely soaked and I knew it was time. I shook Bubs awake and he was between drunk and hungover and told me "no you water didn't break, I passed out in my wet swimsuit." To this day, it may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard another human being say but there were more pressing matters at hand. 

I very sternly told him to get his ass out of bed, we were going to the hospital. Bubs may be a dense man sometimes but I have to give him credit that when my voice gets a certain throaty growl, he instantly snaps too because he knows I'm not screwing around. He helped me get dressed, got my maternity bag together but then confessed he was in no condition to drive. I had to drive to the hospital to deliver my first baby. 

When we got there, things moved really fast. I had expected to get there, get checked and get settled in and have plenty of time to get comfortable and get used to my surroundings before our lives would forever change but it all seemed so fast. When we got to the little check in room, a medical student did some checks, her eyes got huge and she said she would be right back. She came back in with the doctor who said we would be moved to a delivery room right away. On our way up to the room the anesthesiologist actually met us in the hallway and as soon as I sat onto the bed, he twisted me around to do the epidural. Right as he was wiping down my back I got hit with my first contraction and it was the most intense and gripping pain I have ever felt in my life. The doctor told Bubs to grab my hands so he didn't mess something up and I felt the epidural go in and thankfully didn't feel any more really intense pain. After that I was in and out for the next couple of hours and remember being maneuvered and prodded every 30 minutes or so. It seemed like such a blur but I remember a nurse came in and said that it's 5pm and by 5:20 we would meet our baby. 

Thankfully Bubs had time to sleep off the rest of his fun and he was alert and attentive when it mattered. It was exactly 5:20 when we met little Abigail. She let out one big wail and then for the most part was a dream baby and only ever cried if she was really hungry or really tired. When I first saw her, I was absolutely convinced I had given birth to the next messiah, she was so perfect.  We did the skin to skin contact and it felt like heaven. I actually don't remember how long it was until we tried breast feeding but she latched right away and was always a fantastic little eater (though she far preferred my left boob over the right, sometimes it would be so bad I looked like one was a deflated water bottle while it would look like the other was about to explode but we gradually got her used to both). 

We were able to stay in the hospital overnight, and save for my husbands choice to put a baseball movie called Bad News Bears on the DVD player (a movie which featured an alcoholic man coaching a team of little misfits who used racial slurs--probably not the best choice for the man who reeked of booze for most of the day who also used to be a baseball prodigy), Bubs did a great job. I remember they took Abby to the nursery so they could do some checks and I could rest. I actually missed her so bad that I insisted they bring her back as soon as they possibly could despite the nurse telling me I could rest longer if I wanted to. 

I was so lucky because as soon as it was confirmed that I was going into labor my mom and oldest sister had hopped in the car to make the 13 hour drive to see us and meet Abby. I think they got in about 9 that night and stopped into say hello before they went to make sure everything was ready at our apartment then head to their Airbnb. They came back in the morning to help us get everything ready and we headed home with the newest member of our family. 

When I say Abby was a dream baby, I mean she was a dream baby. I had gotten on a big co-sleeping kick and it wasn't even a week that I would nurse her in bed at about 10 and she would sleep all the way through to about 4 or 5. I think it was 2 or 3 months and we started putting her in her crib and she didn't fuss or complain and for the most part would fall asleep at 9 or 10 and sleep for a good 6 or 7 hours. She definitely spoiled us because when our son came along, we got the wake up call as to what a "normal" baby is like--so much so that I have a much more realistic expectation when #3 is born here in a few months. 

She seemed like she matured so fast and her very focused and quiet personality began to show through right away. She was a very happy baby and toddler but it really wouldn't matter what she was trying to do, she wouldn't quit until she was done with whatever she decided her task was. She was always so independent and loved her solo play time.  She loved to cuddle with her dad and the one tradition that she and I started and have maintained nearly every day is that we always take about 15 minutes for me to brush her gorgeous strawberry blonde hair (that's actually much more red now). It's how we've always reconnected after our little spats and one of the things I will absolutely miss when she makes the leap to move out on her own. 

Even though she's 9, she's actually one of my heroes as a woman. She smart, she's independent, she focused, she's funny and she's so beautiful. She is not what I expected to get when I found out I was having a little girl, but she is so much more perfect than I could have ever imagined. 

Abby, if by some day you ever find this blog some day, I hope reading this gives you a little bit more insight into who I was, who your dad was (when he wasn't being a dumbass who allowed his wife-in-labor to drive herself to the hospital) and what drove us, inspired us, caused us pain and allowed us to carry on. If you don't remember your 9th birthday party, we got to watch you absolutely drop kick some 11 year old boy at Jiujitsu practice followed by your choice of spicy chicken tenders at the new place we found in Arizona. Your brother insisted that he could handled the hottest flavor and you had one of the biggest laughs I've seen out of you in years when he started freaking out from the heat. This was the last party we have before there are 3 of you but you will always be my first and I love you more than you can possibly know.