The absolute joy of living in the same small town I grew up in. Drama, drama, drama.
It's been quite a day. Everything was fine until about an hour ago and then I got a wonderful reminder of how truly shitty people can be.
So as I've said many times, I am married to a very good looking guy. He has a "almost rugged" handsomeness of guy who can look at home in ranch wear, a military uniform or even his nice outfits (that I have to pick out for him). He's tall, he's in great shape (but still a little thin from all the time he spends running), and he still has all of his hair. He's also very sweet and he would say what I'm about to say is not true. I don't think I'm bad looking but I also think that I got very lucky when I landed such a handsome man. If he's a 9.5 on the 10 scale, I'm a 7. It's is what it is and I appreciate that he's always seen me as beautiful even if he's a bit delusional.
Because we got together so young and lived in a place where more or less everyone knew each other, I had plenty of reminders from other girls that I was playing out of my league. There were 3 girls in particular that were the absolute worst. They started off as a little mean girl clique in elementary school but would go through alternating periods of being friends and hating each other right up until graduation. The meanest thing they ever did to me was in 8th grade when we returned from summer break and it was clear that Bubs and I were in our puppy love stage. The three of them passed a note around school that said "sign here if you think Danielle P. is not good looking enough to be dating Bubs M." (of course they used his real name). They managed to get about 30 kids to sign it and then hand delivered it to me without saying a word as I was walking home from gymnastics practice one day. It's been 18 years and I still get teared up over it, it was so freaking mean.
The three girls were Susy (who I've spoken of before), Tonya and Chloe (changing names). Susy was all over Bubs, or at least pretended to be, the year that we broke up. Tonya's mom was really good friends with Bub's mom so she and Bubs would occasionally spend time together but luckily Tonya was always fairly ok when she wasn't with the other two. Chloe on the other hand made it no secret that she was out to steal Bubs away from me. It's the worst kind of high school drama there is and I lived it in person for 3 years. It was mostly words and innuendo from Chloe but it really did come to a head at a graduation party where she tried to trick Bubs into going into a bedroom with her. If a group of guys had not literally sat on me to pin me down, I would have gone upstairs and ripped her hair out I was so enraged at her gumption.
I still see Susy from time to time and still refuse to speak to her. Yes, I know I'm playing her game but the stuff she said when Bubs and I were broken up was so cruel that I don't want to get past it. As far as I knew (well found out more today) Chloe moved away to college and really never came back. I started to see Tonya after Bubs and I moved back after he was done with flight school. It was certainly begrudgingly and through gritted teeth that I was friendly with her at first but we have kids about the same age so it means we've been to School Open Houses, volunteer events, etc. I would never see we are friends but we are friendly.
I ran into Tonya on my way home on Monday afternoon. We made small talk and she asked if the rumors were true that we were really moving. I told her yes and she said that she couldn't believe it because I'm one of the many people that grew up here that's still around. I explained all the benefits but admitted I'm very nervous about leaving my family. She asked me how Bubs is doing and I said that he's actually in Arizona for a couple of weeks because he's officially working for his new boss and getting some things done so we can decide on a house. It was a pleasant conversation that I didn't think much of. It was so minor that I didn't even tell Bubs about it when we talked on Monday night.
Nothing came of it until today. Bubs called me just as I was getting home this afternoon and said that I wasn't going to be happy about what just happened. When he leads with that I always assume that he's been hurt because he was being an idiot (like climbing trees or going rock climbing with people way more experienced than he is). I told him I was bringing in groceries so I told him that I probably was going to be ok and was so nonchalant I told him I'd call him back. He said I needed to make it quick because he was worried how I was going to react. I got done with the groceries and called him back and was seriously thinking that he was going to tell me he went against the doctors advice and started running again and was already hurt.
He actually said "you are never going to believe who called me?" Again, my brain was thinking someone that we knew from the military or his old boss or something. But when he said Chloe, I almost crushed my teeth my jaw seized so hard. I honestly had to sit down and just like I'm want to do, I demanded he tell me all the details so I could spot holes in his story. He was very upfront and honest and he got call from a Phoenix area number and he answered because he assumed it was probably from the real estate company or the bank that's doing our mortgage. He said he was also completely shocked when it was Chloe...who we haven't seen in 14 years.
I know I'm dramatic, I know I'm insecure and I know I have a vicious jealous streak but admitting those things didn't do a thing in that moment and all those horrible memories of her came flooding back. She's calling my husband, my husband with whom I have two kids and one on the way. What in the name of backwoods, white trash, Texas nonsense was happening here? My first question was how he got his number. He said he had the same question for her and apparently Tonya's mom had called his mom at the request of Tonya--and being the older Texan women they are, everyone is just friends, of course they had no questions about what was really going on.
With me just running into Tonya and her mom and Bub's mom still being friends, that made total sense that it's how Chloe got his number. I even mentioned that Bubs was in Arizona this week. What doesn't make even a little bit of sense is why Chloe is calling my husband. I was both relieved and annoyed that Bubs told her he was really busy in the moment and didn't have time to talk. It was great because hanging up on her is the best option, I was annoyed because he hung up on her, we knew nothing about what the fuck she was actually thinking.
Well not to worry, after we both had settled down a bit and I was able to accept that he did all the right things in this tough situation--she texted him. He sent me a screencap of her text and just for privacy reasons I'm not going to repeat it verbatim but it was REALLY long. It started off with an apology for calling him out of the blue and she was sorry to have gone "stalker" to find his number, it's just that when Tonya told her that he was going to be in town (he's not in town, he's about two hours away from her) she had to reach out. She said she's been through two marriages and has never had kids because he was the guy she compared everyone else to and they all came up short. She said she's very lonely in Arizona and was so excited to her that someone from her hometown is going to be close (again we will be two hours away). She said some absolute bullshit about knowing that he's still married to me and she's not seeking to harm that in any way, she just felt it was her "duty" to reach out and welcome him to the state. She said that if he's here for as long as Tonya told her he would be, they would "have to" get dinner.
I'm like ok, fucking Chloe, if you are just looking to give a friendly welcome to someone from your hometown, why lead off with the bullshit about having two failed marriages because MY HUSBAND is the one you can't get over. If this was just a true welcome to the state offer, that's what she would have said. And lets not get past the fact that SHE NEVER DATED HIM he's not hers to make comparisons against. And even then, I get being lonely but what in the hell did she have to tell him for? I mean that literally sounds like code for "I'm vulnerable and you can twist me up like a pretzel big guy." Saying you are lonely to another woman's husband seems so far out of bounds that I have to think it was deliberate. In not only is she not so subtly trying to sleep with him, she's going to rub it in my face too. If he were to go through with it, he would be choosing her loneliness over the sanctity of our marriage and family.
Bubs asked me if he wanted me to just block her or if he should respond telling her now. In my gut I knew he should just block and move on but my rage wanted to really burn her so I told him a passive aggressive response that reminded her that he's happily married and can't meet women for dinner would be best. Now that he's sent it, I'm not sure.
I have her number and it's taking everything in my power to not call her up and tell her that if she doesn't watch herself, I am not above cutting a bitch. So far I haven't but I've typed in 9 of the 10 numbers about 20 times now. I guess it's good that I know if I type the last number and hit the green button, I have to go through with it. It's probably best to not give her the attention but I can't promise I won't.
I also want to call my mother in law and remind her that she knows how mean Tonya and Chloe were to me and maybe, just MAYBE it wasn't a good idea to give her son's number to be passed on to a girl he knew in high school. A girl OTHER than the one who has given her two grandkids and about to give her a third. I won't follow through on that one because she will never understand. Even if Chloe showed up to the dinner wearing a skirt no wider than a belt with fuck-me boots, Mom would still think that it was nice two people from Texas can reconnect.
I know I'm in for a sleepless night because there is so much for me to unwrap here. From how they treated me growing up to the fact that she actually called my husband then put it in writing, that by proxy, he's the reason she's twice divorced. Jesus.
I think you should just remember that however cruel Chloe may be, Bubs is on your side
ReplyDeleteWow! The gall of her to reach out to Bubs. If anything, she should have reached out to you. She knew what, she was doing and her intentions were not harmless. I too would be enraged. I stand with you on this one and your feelings. Justified! Thankfully, Bubs did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteBullying has always been a sore spot for me and my family. My daughter was bullied in high school by not only kids, but teachers who claimed to be Christian. I had confrontations with them but their egos always prevented a resolution. Years later, we came across one of those teachers at a Chris Tomlin concert. He tried to interact with us and I simply looked at him sternly and turned away. I think he got the message.
People can be mean and there exists bullying at every stage in life. I would hope that your bullies would eventually grow up and offer you a heartfelt apology, but that may never occur. In the end, you and Bubs won. Your successful marriage and children are your testament to you rising above the trauma they inflicted.
Yes, you and Bubs made the right choice for him to return text and advise Chloe that he is a happily married man and doesn't have dinners with other women. No, you don't need to text or call Chloe or otherwise give her the time of day - the text from Kiddo should do enough to discourage her from making further contact, and if it doesn't all he needs to do is text one more time to let her know that further communication is not sought and is not welcome. Let your husband shut her down. He's doing ALL the right things by being extremely up-front with you, letting Chloe know he's happily married, and expressing his lack of interest in any dinners (and, by implication, anything else) with her. If she continues, he can tell her he's blocking her and then do it. After that, let it go. The moms in this instance are being cliquish and awful, but that's not your problem and so long as you and your husband are on the same page (you obviously are), the two of you can shut Chloe down without unnecessary drama.
ReplyDeleteHey P, I think you've handled this very well. For everyone reading this, Dani is actually downplaying how mean they were. Like she said, I've known "Tonya" since were little but that didn't do anything to stop her from being an absolute asshole when she was was with the other two and the three of them together were viciously mean. Dani wasn't their only target but she probably got it worse than most. There were times in high school where I am shocked that Dani didn't just haul off and beat the crap out them all at once. Susi's older brother was actually a pretty good guy who saved Susi from getting her ass beat on more than one occasion, I think even her family knew that she was a problem (and still is from what I hear).
ReplyDeleteDani, I know we've talked about this already but just to remind you that I will follow your guidance as to whatever it is you want me to do here. Having said that, I don't think you should call her. Nothing good is going to come from that. I will talk to my mom when I get home because she should have known better.
I do have to chuckle at you saying you are a "7." You are dramatic but even that is a little over the top. Dani, you know you are stunningly beautiful. You always have been. You also know I'm not delusional when I say this. Those girls were mean to you because they were jealous of you, not because you were some weaker target they could pick on.
For everyone of Dani's friends, I wish Dani would post pics of us (or let me do it) but I think part of the reason she wont is she enjoys the false modesty of everyone thinking she's a down home little Texas girl. She is not, Dani is gorgeous. I get that she wants to be more than than just a pretty face so she downplays her looks but she is a head turner and always has been.
She gets really mad at this comparison so she may delete this, but if you want to know exactly what Dani looks like, google the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader named "Klein Powell." I had no idea who this person was until our babysitter pointed out that she and Dani could be sisters but now that I see it, I can't unsee it. Dani is a little bit more muscular from her time in gymnastics but it's not hyperbole to say that Dani could be the twin of a literal "American Sweetheart." Dani says she doesn't look anything like this girl because they don't have the "same hair." Ok, I guess Dani's hair is a little bit more blonde and much straighter (and always in a pony tail) but Dani has the exact same huge blue eyes, the same ear to ear smile, high cheek bones and overall happy demeanor as this girl Klein. It's also funny that once the babysitter noticed it, more and more people tell Dani and her sisters that they all resemble a member of a world famous cheerleading team. A team that for better or worse, recruits girls based on the fact that they match a well known standard of beauty.
So I wish Dani would just rip the bandaid off and post pics, but if you want to know whether or not those girls were mean because they were jealous, search the girl I mentioned above and it will be pretty obvious that they were. I wish I could explain the phone call on Monday but I assume it was for the same reason that Chloe was a shitty person in high school, its the way she connects with the world. Maybe she is really lonely but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that jealousy has burned for the last few years and Chloe took her shot. Dani, I think you've handed this very well and she doesn't hold a candle to you. Certainly not in terms of looks but who you are as a person, a wife, a mom, a teacher, a sister, daughter, etc. No one could ever make me think otherwise.
You're very sweet and we are going to miss you today. I hope you have a nice day, I know looking at houses isn't your first choice of things to do on a Saturday but I really appreciate that you are putting in so much effort.
DeleteI have to be mean to you at some point but hair makes girls look totally different, in fact I would sell you in slavery if I could get my hair to have the consistent body and curls of the cheerleader.
I love you, you weirdo. I'll be bugging you all day long to get updates on which of the houses you like.
I agree with Bubs. We need pics. When it comes to Chloe she sems to be her own worst enemy when I read Bubs acount. That Tonya girl though. Watch out.
DeleteThe old lady is strongly suggesting that you listen to your husband on this one, Sweetheart. Don't call Chloe, don't text Chloe, when you run into Tonya again do not bring up Chloe. All any of it will do is signal to Chloe that she's gotten under your skin, and that's the last thing you want. It's also the last thing you should be allowing, because she's not getting your husband's attention or anything else, other than his shutting down any ideas she might have about dinner, etc. Chloe was envious of you, Chloe is still envious of you, but Chloe is not going to get anything from either you or Bubs unless you give her something, and that something would be the satisfaction she'd derive from knowing that you're upset by her (failed) attempt to set up a dinner date with your husband. So don't give her even that. Drop the rope. Move on. She's not worth an ounce of your energy or a minute of your time. Love, Mama Wolf, who knows about mean girls and why you do not reward them for their mean girl behavior.
ReplyDeleteHum. My wife's first comment after reading this story was, "Wow. Bubs must be really hot!" I'm not sure how I feel about that. Also: "Dani got Bubs, so she got even with the mean girls. She won, she doesn't need to respond to Chloe."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, adult women still playing at this high school drama is just weird. It seems like the real goal is more to mess with you than to "win" Bubs -- although doing Bubs does seem to be on Chloe's bucket list. And Tonya is very much on board with assisting Chloe in this goal. Just ... wow.
The viciousness of some women is ... intriguing. What they did you you (collecting those names) is so vicious it makes all the stuff that happened between us guys in school seem like borderline wholesome.
ReplyDeleteBubs mother really seems a bit naive and Tonya is cancer. If you meet again ... Attack! I suspect you are more than a seven but your witt is at least a nine. We men might be more visual than women but at the end of the day we love women of characther and if they are funny you can't wish for much more.
The more I hear about you the more I realise that you were never really that close to divorce. INspite of your problemens I think you have a happy life infront of you. Take care!
And make Bubs not work to much. Remeber that the kids grow up fast. (I have two girls, and I relly envy you that you get a third. We should have started earlier. My wife is to old now.)