Hey Bubs--you think you're going to embarrass me? This is the tip of the iceberg.

 It's Monday and because our lives are never normal, Bubs is driving over to pick up the kids from his mom's house. While he's doing that, I've going to fire the salvo in the "embarrassment war" of 2024 and hopefully it's good enough that "Mr. Laugh at his poor wife" knows that I have a lot more dirt on him that he has on me. 

Last night we were about to engage in some adult activities when we heard "mom your door is locked, I'm going to throw up" followed by the sounds of projectile vomiting all up and down our hallway. The other kid apparently had already clogged their toilet so our poor little was trying to get into our bathroom but was too late.  Because of the timing and certain things being in certain places and because I had shocked facial expressions and asked him for help, Bubs thought it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen. I wanted to strangle him as I was wiping my kids' heads with cool wash clothes while apparently, me being so "funny" was enough to get him through cleaning up kid puke and unclogging a toilet. Both kids were really sick, apparently Bub's mom did something to the hot dog mac and cheese she made them since no one else got sick but they got the day off from school. As you may have noticed from the comments section on another post, Bubs has been tormenting me all day. Well two can play at that game funny guy. 

When we were in high school there was a kid named Brandon from our Youth Group that had a major crush on me.  Brandon had made it his life's mission to steal me away from Bubs and he would put on all the charm and word would always get back to my boyfriend. Brandon was also a really intimidating pitcher for one of our rival high schools. Bubs obviously had nothing to worry about but for some reason he got it in his head that there was potential. On one of the days where the two teams were going to play each other, Brandon came up to me before the game to say hello, Bubs took major offense to that and had some very choice word about staying away from his girlfriend that led to some pushing and shoving. Watching the scuffle from the parking lot I was both embarrassed and incredibly turned on.

When Bubs got up to bat, I could see from the stands that Bubs was giving Brandon the evil eye and had really leaned into the plate as to show that this guy trying to steal his lady was not going to intimidate him. On the first pitch Brandon hit Bubs so hard that it almost cleared the benches. Bubs got to take his base but the next batter got the third out. Bubs took his position in the outfield but I could tell that he was just off somehow and I was worried that he was really hurt, with the way he was pulling at his uniform it almost seemed like he had a concussion even though he had been hit in the back. I know the next half inning went really fast and his team went back into the dugout. 

I got a text from him "please meet me at the fence." I texted back "now, you're in the game?" He said "goddamn it, just do it." So I went over to the fence and I could see that the whole front of his uniform pants were wet. I asked him what happened and he said "he hit me so fucking hard I pissed my pants."  

If this were to happen today, I would laugh my ass and let him play in his piss pants. But being the dutiful girlfriend I was at 17, I wanted to climb over the fence and beat the shit out of Brandon myself. He said he needed me to drive to his house and get his other uniform pants or he was going to sit out the rest of the game. With the deepest of concern, I drove to his house and got his other pants and even made it back by the time he had to go into the outfield again. 

I was a really good girlfriend, I'm a really great wife and hey funny guy...if you think its good to tease me when I was vulnerable like I was last night; do you remember what happened at the lake? Or when you ate oysters in Destin? Or why you're squadron mates wanted your callsign to be PIMP? By all means funny guy...go ahead...light the candle.