Maybe I Should Linger More at Safeway?

So life continues as a very boring but very content stay-at-home mom in the desert suburb of Tucson known as Vail.

Truly, the most exciting thing that happens around here is that we have a rattlesnake (Bubs says snakes) that loves to come visit us by hiding out behind a planter and our retaining wall. I'm sure it's the same happy girl, because I recognize her patterns, but Bubs says it's just a cool place for snakes to hang out.

I've also learned something: I never thought I was afraid of snakes, but hearing that rattle is a whole other story.

Though I am getting better.

Bubs grabs them with these "snake tongs," moves them into a bucket, and takes them far away from our house into the middle of the nearby state trust land. He says snakes wouldn't travel that far just to come visit us.

I still think it's the same one.

So that was the most exciting thing that had happened to me until just now. 

Today was one of those days where I just needed a kid break. I love my children more than I can possibly say, but there are times when a 45-minute stroll around the Safeway by myself can feel like a spa day.

I needed that tonight.

I am taking my sweet time standing in front of the candy aisle deciding if I'm going to get a bag of Sour Worms or Sour Octopus to devour in the car on the way home and absolutely not share with the kids when an 18- or 19-year-old literal kid comes up to me.

"Excuse me, miss. I'm so sorry to bother you, but my phone is dead and I need to call my mom."

Of course I'm a mom, and this is one of those moments where I think, If I help a kid out, then maybe karma will repay me by having some sweet adult help my kids out someday.

So I tell him of course, unlock my phone, and hand it to him.

He really does call someone, but I doubt it was his mom because he says, "Mom, I may have just met the woman I'm going to marry. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Like a complete idiot—and apparently extremely prone to flattery and even more prone to being charmed—I start gushing and blushing three shades of red.

Then he says, "She has the sweetest Southern accent. You think I should ask her out? Okay, I will, Mom."

He hangs up the phone and hands it back to me.

So, still smiling ear to ear, I preempted him and said, "I'm so sorry, but I'm married, and I think you're a little young for me."

And then he looks super embarrassed and says, "No, I'm so sorry. This was for TikTok. It's kind of a prank."

And there was this symbolic-crash moment where I kind of felt like the air being let out of a tire.

And since my mouth always works a lot faster than my brain, I said, "So I'm not the woman you're going to marry? And what are you filming with if you don't have a phone?"

Then he was very apologetic.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry. You are stunning. I thought this would go better than it is. It's Meta glasses."

And here again I was charmed because he called me stunning.

Then he said, still looking like he was trapped, "I'm really sorry. If you don't want me to post this, I won't."

And I was honest and told him that he had made me feel like a million bucks, but I'd really rather he not post it.

He almost looked relieved that he'd been given permission not to post his little skit that didn't work out.

I gave him a light hug, and we parted ways.

So of course I get home and tell Bubs, and he's like, "Oh yeah, this has been a trend for a while now. Basically a younger guy will hit on an older woman..."

Wait.

What did you just call me?

I'm 34!!

Bubs, not realizing that he has real competition now with someone from Safeway, stepped further into the trap.

"Yeah, like I said, an older woman will get hit on by a younger guy. I'll bet it was hilarious how red you got."

Of course the love of my life called me old and didn't even show the slightest bit of jealousy that I'd just been called stunning.

In fact, I'll bet in his brain he saw it as a compliment to his good taste.

Maybe I should linger more at Safeway.