How we came to own this house--sometimes Bubs and I are a great team.
It's Wednesday the 11th and today and tomorrow we have a moving company coming over to pack up our lives and hold everything in storage until they can drop it off at our new house in Arizona in January (pray our closing goes well next week). I am trying to keep it together but watching a bunch of strangers pack up your kids' rooms is a tough thing to see. Especially since it's the only room my son has ever really known. They are about half way done and already the place doesn't feel like home anymore. It's so strange.
I'm trying to take my mind off of it but this house has played such a central role in my life. This house is where I had my first pool party with my future husband when I was 13 years old. I can look out Bubs office window and see my old bedroom across the wall--he used to sit at the window when this was his grandmas "get away room" and I'd flash my boobs to him and I could see his smile from hundred feet away. We've hosted holidays, we've kissed boo-boos, we've posted report cards and art work on the fridge, we've fought, we've brought stray animals home, and on and on and on. It's actually a miracle we own this house and every time Bubs and I get in a fight I am reminded that when we put our heads together we can actually be a great team and get some things done.
As I have stated many times, this house belonged to Bub's grandparents when I was growing up. I lived behind them. I passed it every day on the way to my house since the main drive into the neighborhood goes right past the yard. I am trying to get the dates right here but Bub's grandfather passed away just days before our daughter was born so that was in January of 2016. His grandmother passed away almost exactly a year later. Bubs has an Aunt and Uncle who immediately started fighting over the estate--which was ridiculous because all there was the house and some old furniture and mementos that were basically worth nothing. Bubs mom tried to get everyone to play nice but because the Aunt and Uncle couldn't agree on anything, the house sat empty for at least a year. It was in need of major work on both the house and pool so without anyone stopping by to check on things (they couldn't agree on that either) things just got worse.
We had been living in Alabama for Bubs pilot training. Since he's a reservist, he really didn't know what he was going to do for a real job. Right as soon as he was about ready to get his wings, he reached out to the company he interned for in college and they said that his timing was perfect because the were interviewing for positions at a new facility they were putting in Austin. It was even more perfect in that the guy who interviewed him had been his boss when he interned so in a blink of an eye, we went from not knowing anything about where we were going to live to moving about an hour or so away from our childhood home. I was ecstatic and it was quite literally a dream come true.
My parents lived in the neighborhood and my older sister and her husband had just bought a house that was around the corner. So we were making the drive home at least once a week because I couldn't get enough of seeing my family again. Every time I would drive in, I would pass Bubs grandparents house and it just looked lonelier and lonelier every time. I would ask Bubs and my mother in law about it but was essentially told that none of the three (aunt, uncle and Bubs mom) were speaking to each other and she saw no progress in the future.
By that time, my older sister had all of her kids, my younger sister had the Irish twins and soon after I got pregnant with my son. I would drive down from our little two bedroom in Austin and just be surrounded love and laughter and kids and everything else. When my little sister put in an offer on a house a couple of doors down, I knew I wanted to move back into the neighborhood. I started looking for houses but there were weird remodels, people asking too much, too much traffic. I just kept landing on the idea that Bub's grandparents house would be perfect for us.
When I brought it up with my husband, at first he was a little apprehensive because he would be commuting for 45 minutes for an hour each day. But then he started running some numbers (of course--spreadsheet man) and realized that we could sell the little house we bought in Austin since it was blowing up there, buy his grandparents house and come out way ahead. We decided to approach his mom and she basically said that she wanted to wash her hands of it and she would gift Bubs and his sister her share of the estate just so she wouldn't have to deal with it any longer. So now it made even more financial sense because we already "owned" 1/6th of the house. Bubs sister Addie was thrilled because she needed the money. We just had two major obstacles in the way, Aunt Linda and Uncle Pete.
We came up with a game plan, Bubs would handle the financing and legal aspects and I would put on all the charm with Aunt and Uncle and convince them that an empty house that was being weathered away wasn't doing either of them any good. Bubs got his portion taken care of pretty quickly but holy crap, were they stubborn.
Both his Aunt and Uncle were too very unhappy people who had been divorced with no kids and had really become isolated. I honestly think that the fight over the house was the only thing they had going for them at that point. My goal was to basically kill them with kindness and pulled out all the stops. I would stop by with 12 packs of beer for Pete and make him dinner. I realized that he was just very lonely and all he wanted was someone to listen to him. He's one of those older guys that can't get along with anyone which made him lonelier which made him harder to get along with. Over the course of meeting with him I just listened. I would let him take our daughter for walks and push her on swings and realized that he was actually a very sweet man that had been given a very raw deal by his ex-wife. Weird as it was, I was a pregnant 25/26 year old with a toddler in tow and one of my absolute best friends was a man in his early 60s who just needed someone to give him something to look forward to. I took Pete over to the house one day and he was shocked to see the condition of it so he agreed that he would be willing to sell his to us.
We really didn't know how to proceed because we owned 1/6th of the house, and we had a verbal commitment that Bub's sister would sell us her 1/6th and now we had a commitment from Pete that he would sell us his 1/3rd. So at least in the future sense, we would be 2/3rds owners with decision making power. All we had to do was get Aunt Linda on board. Well Aunt Linda made it really easy for us because she passed at about the same time--and had stipulated in her will that Bub's mom and Uncle Pete would get her assets. Again there wasn't much in terms of money but it meant that we had verbal commitments that were enough to sign a very complicated lease to purchase agreement with the other three owners. Meaning we could take possession of the house as we were working everything else out.
To this day, I have no idea how Bubs was able to get the financing done. He's explained it to me 100s of times but I still don't get it. To this day, he tells me that he has no idea how I got Uncle Pete to come around because Pete had always been such a cantankerous old man. I like to think that we both played to our strengths and were able to combine to a great team and get something we both really wanted.
It was a pretty rough for the first year--we did so much work just to keep the house from falling down around itself, and that's not to mention all the upgrades and upkeep we had to do. We didn't want to gut it because we both had good memories of when his grandparent's owned it but at the same time I think we did a great job of making it ours. Bubs didn't particularly enjoy his commute but it made me realize that I married a great guy because he was doing it all to make me and the kids happy.
It wasn't too long after we moved in that Covid hit and Bubs has worked from home ever since. Since I was trying to figure out what it meant to be an online teacher, I had a lot of time to get into my projects and really made the house exactly like I wanted it. It's been our home every since and it's not quite real that we are actually we are moving--even though a good chunk of our stuff is in boxes waited to be loaded on to a truck.
Great story, thanks.
ReplyDeleteWith all the emotion here, I am so glad you are not actually selling this house and Addie will get to live in it.
Change is hard. Everyone including old stoic Bubs will be emotional. Be patient and extend grace to yourself, your husband and children. The rest of your family will be emotional as well. We never know what the future holds. This move could work out to be the best thing you have ever done or the worst. Just be ready to roll with it.
ReplyDeleteI am interesting to follow your story because this move is happening at the same your family is having another big change with the coming of #3. It will be fun to see how your family evolves. My 3 are all 3 years apart so their development was pretty much textbook. My daughter (oldest) is type A and very academically gifted. My oldest son, #2 was the conciliator, and he is the guy everyone loves. While not as academically gifted as his siblings (he had bacterial meningitis at 4 months old). He works hard at his job and has been recognized as one of the best at what he does in the country (plans and executes big events for major corporations). He is a great husband and father. #3 is spoiled. he is academically gifted as well but never motivated to work to his potential. He did enough to have good grades, get into a good college and law school and does well in his job. He is sometimes frustrating,
You three may not evolve that way because #1 & 2's places are set before # 3 comes along. #3 will certainly be spoiled and the baby though. That will be something to be mindful.
Love when a plan comes to fruition. Timing and the idea of the house in the family no doubt played a major factor in everybody's decisions.
ReplyDeleteEven I get a bit tearyeyed when I read this. I know i probably shouldn't say this but you guys seem so rock solid in so many ways that I really don't get the need to move to Texas. The trouble pertaining to B/C:s workload should be able to be managed some other way ... or am I missing something. His and your dads company should be able to be settled. Buds doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who can't handle a difficult stepfather.
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like you are leaving so much good with so much risk. I can't deny that I understand why you have second thoughts.
And ... Please Dani I would be very grateful for som kind of comment on how you would rate Young Sheldon when it comes to texas realism. I asked you on your last post. My wife wants to know.
ReplyDeleteChange is hard, and I certainly appreciate the bittersweet of leaving the place you've loved and built together to go into an unknown new, leaving behind the daily fun and challenge of the community where you've always lived. But change is what life is about - appreciating the old while discovering the new, and one of the real positives that's coming from this move (apart from the promotion for your husband) is that your children will grow up knowing that the world is a BIG place, and that they can move to new places secure in the fact that their old community, with family and friends, will still be there for them. It's hard, but also so exciting!
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that it will be a big challenge at first, as you truly won't have a community of trusted people around you for a while. But Dani, you're friendly and outgoing and you're the kind of person who draws people to you, so I have absolutely NO doubt that you'll make friends, your kids will make friends, and a year from now you'll have a new community of friends around you with all sorts of new memories in the making. Same for your kids. And socially, you'll bring Bubs along for the ride, because it's what you do.
I've lived all over the United States in my adult life (sort of all over, anyway). I went from a big-city midwestern state (in the big urban area!), to the west for college and law school, back to my home state for a couple years and then to the east coast (where I met my husband, and where my son was born, YAY), and then to the north, where I am today. Every time, it was hard to say goodbye to friends and, in some places, family, and every time, we ultimately made new friends and found our place in a new community. You will too. And you're only a few states away from your old home, so you can visit often, and if it truly doesn't work out you CAN go back. But you may discover that building a new community for yourself and putting down roots in more than one place suits you just fine. Cry the farewell tears, but then enjoy the exciting new adventure.