thoughts on our new city
Hello everyone, I finally have a chance to breathe after a crazy busy week. For whatever reason, the week after Labor Day has always been one of the most challenging weeks of the entire school year. I don't know if it's because the friends aren't in a routine yet and we throw a three day weekend at them. Or I'm not in a routine and I desperately need a three day weekend but know it's going to be the last one for a while. This week has been no different than any of my previous post Labor Day school weeks, just sort of chaotic. I also met with my psychiatrist and got her recommendations going forward and would really like to talk about them but she wants to talk with my Ob/Gyn before she comes up with any solid plan as to whether or not I should go on medication or not--so I will save that for a future post.
I do however have a very strong urge to just get on and type so I'm going to limit myself to an hour tonight because I really do need to get to bed but I also don't want to lose some thoughts on what I thought of Tucson. To put the bottom line up front, I did not fall in love with the city. I didn't hate it either but it wasn't at all what I was expecting.
To be very fair, the trip got off on the wrong foot because Bubs was out of town last week I had to travel with the two kids by myself. He was going to fly direct from his trip and pick us up from the airport. With an 8 year old and 6 year old in tow, I had to drive to our home airport (which in itself is about an hour away from where we live) then take a short flight to Dallas and then connect into Tucson. Recently my kids have two speeds, best of friends or ready to quite literally murder each other. I prayed for the former, I got the later. I also despise flying and I'm just out of it from being 6 weeks pregnant. Top that off, my husbands flights were very delayed and so while the original plan was he get the rental car and pick us up, I ended up having to finish the journey with an Uber driver who may have been the rudest human being I've ever met. So I didn't have the best introduction to Tucson. Just my husband and I are going to pick a weekend to fly back sometime in October to look at houses and I hope that I get a much better start on that trip.
To get it out of the way, what I didn't like. First it's not a super friendly city. I don't know why but I always imagined Arizona to be a "howdy ma'am" western state. There is certainly hints of cowboy and western culture but it really didn't bleed through to all of the interactions. There were friendly people but common interactions like servers at restaurants, going to grocery stores, etc... were a little more gruff than I had anticipated. The next thing that was a bit of a disappointment was that it's not a very physically pretty city in terms of the buildings and architecture. My husband described it as a city that really doesn't have a sense of what it was or what it wants to be. I think the common image of Arizona are actually pictures of Scottsdale which seems like golf courses with red mountains in the back ground, and palm trees around a swimming pool. I also learned that in Texas my tastes in houses sort align with eating at Outback or Texas Roadhouse--i.e. a decent meal that will fill you up and expensive enough to notice but it wont break you. In Tucson, my housing tastes are apparently caviar and champagne. I could not believe how expensive houses are. We were hoping for 5 bedrooms like we have in Texas but even a four bedroom in a nice location where my husband can commute on his bike or run to work are almost out of reach for us. The ones I liked in the cutest neighborhood were way north of 700k. What's crazy to me as a teacher is there is no real correlation between school districts and nice houses as there are a huge percentage of people that send their kids to charter schools. I have a natural disdain for charter schools so it just didn't sit well with me (don't get me wrong, there are a few charters that are amazing but I'll keep my comments for another blog on the vast majority). Also, anyone who said that dry heat is easier to deal with--um no. I think it topped out at about 99 degrees while we were there and it felt like I was breathing in hot sulfur gas. This summer, the high was like 115 degrees. I will melt.
Now to the good parts. My husband and kids loved it. My daughter got to train with an all women's JiuJitsu team which she fell in love with and already made friends with a couple of girls who were 11 and 12. My husband and son loved the aviation history around Tucson and the fact that there is a military base right in the middle of town. I also can't deny that it was very impressive to be surrounded by huge mountains. We didn't get to drive up into the mountains but apparently there are limitless hiking trails and camping spots that are all very accessible. Now for the houses that I did like, they were so adorable. In this neighborhood called Sam Hughes there was sort of a mix of 1940s craftsman style homes and older houses that looked like mini-haciendas. I saw so much potential for projects and the pure joy of waking my husband up super early on a Saturday because I saw a kitchen remodeling video on youtube the night prior and need his help because I always greatly underestimate the time, effort and money it will take to do something like retile a countertop. It's literally one of my greatest pleasures in life to see the look on his face when I have a project and those houses had great bones to keep us busy for years. I also loved the off leash dog parks, the University of Arizona is a gorgeous campus and we had some great Sonoran Mexican food (although my husband is a total Mexican food snob because to him it's New Mexican style or nothing for him so he was a big dumb baby while I loved it).
There are so many positive reasons for us to move. A much better work/life balance for my husband, being so much closer to his military commitments and being forced to really step back in his day to day dealings with my he and my dad's company. I am excited about a new house (and new projects! ) and I'm excited about the prospect of making new friends and having my kids expand their circle. However it terrifies me that I will be giving birth and have an infant without my sisters, my mom, mother in law and Bubs' sister around. I did it for a little while by myself because I had my daughter while my husband was in pilot training, but that was short and I moved back home pretty quickly after she was born. When our son was born, there was literally a village of willing people to come over and let me take a nap for an hour if I needed it. I was really hoping that I would be so in love with the new city that it would take my mind off the prospect of not having my family around when the baby is born--and sad to say I'm not quite there yet but I will certainly give it a chance!
Thank you so much for your sweet comments everyone, I am definitely learning that this blogger spot is not quite as easy to see and respond to comments but I really need to learn how because I hate not acknowledging the people who are reading my yap. I'm going to take some time this weekend to try and figure things out!
Good to hear from you again Dani. Sorry your first experience in Tucson wasn't the best. I've been to Tucson once and I as well wasn't really impressed. The mountains are nice, but they don't compare to my Sierra Nevada mountains as my backyard and the beauty of Yosemite National Park nearby.
ReplyDelete(The family should take a trip out to Yosemite. Definitely worth your time and about 13 hours away from Tucson by car). Still, you can't ignore the benefits of this move. I think your family will blossom with the new opportunities.
As for the dry heat, it can be unbearable. We are in a string of 105 - 108 weather for the next 3 days. We've had 105 days in the past that we're humid. It's so bad that it hurts to breath. At least the winters are mild.
Housing prices are outrageous right now everywhere. We've been looking at moving in the next 5 years and I can't find anything decent for under 700K as well. We've actually looked at moving to the mountains but those prices are north of 1.5 million. Goo's luck with the house shopping. I'm sure you'll find something that will work, God willing.
Glad Bubs and your son enjoyed the aviation history and museum. I'd still like to hear Bub's perspective of that. Yes another aviation nerd here.
Again, glad to hear from you again and I hope your Friday is easier that the week was for you. Praying for the best for you and your family little lady.
So our trip in October is going to be pretty cool since we are going to coordinate a trip to San Diego with coming to Tucson. I don't think that's anywhere near Yosemite but one of the things we are both excited about is being close(er) to California beaches. So we are going to actually spend a week in the Tucson and then San Diego area with just the two of us. But certainly we want to get an idea of how close all these new spots are. Thank you so much for the recommendation, Yosemite looks beautiful!
DeleteSan Diego is beautiful. Love the weather there. Make sure to visit the USS Midway.
DeleteAs for Yosemite, it's about a 7 1/2 hour drive from San Diego.
I think we are all trying to get used to the differences between the blog and your Reddit page. I said on an earlier post that that not having the immediate need to reply to each comment would be better for you but it does change the dynamics. And the lack of any equivalent of a DM (even if little used) reduces the “connection”. I’d love to be of assistance in helping you work out how best to run the blog (your final paragraph) but that’s something that doesn’t seem to work here.
ReplyDeleteAnother difference I noted is that on Reddit it is “OK” to post a short (almost meaningless) comment but here there’s pressure to make comments “clever” or informative. I could have said something like I’m sure you’ll get used to Tucson or that you’ll grow to love it but in reality I know much less than you about that so it would just be a platitude. I can only hope for you that it works out for the best for you and your family.
So for lack (for now) of anything clever or informative to add (my only visit to Arizona was to the Grand Canyon on a day trip from Las Vegas over 30 years ago and I have never been to Tucson or lived in a hot weather climate) that is all I’m going to say (and I’m not even sure that what I have said was worth saying!).
It's so much harder to communicate on here! I think what we are going to do is wait a month or so and then maybe try reddit again. I'm hoping that whatever made them upset will blow over and if I don't have the trolls, then I won't have the wrong attention. I will certainly let you all know and it's so good to see you here!
DeleteI wold be inclined to try and persist here in the meantime and see if you/we can get used to it and make it workm particularly if you stll want to transfer all of your posts over from reddit. Do you stll have access to our comments?
DeleteBefore you started here some of us (SodaButteWolf, JuanValdez_Donkey and me) created a chat group - it wasn't intended as an exclusive group but this blog was found before we extended it further. We discussed creating a subreddit - either "private" or "restricted" where you could continue your page with less interference. I understand that one cannot create a group with a new account or insufficient karma (I do not know what is insufficient) but one of your followers here will be able to do that for you and add you as a mod.
Hi Danni: I think once you are living in Tuscon things will improve. My brother has lived there for a while and did not make many friends till he joined a house of worship. It is hot there and does get hot as hell in the summer months. Homes and apartments have air conditioning insurance because you cannot stay in your home if the A/C fails. It covers the cost of a motel. From what I know housing cost have skyrocketed due to the influx from California and other states. While visiting Scottsdale I noticed tons of California license plates. Be careful with the public schools in Arizona. Make sure to visit them personally and get all the statistics. The realtors can be a big
ReplyDeletehelp in pointing out homes in good school districts but remember they are salespeople. You need to verify with your own eyes. Living in a good school district was the most important thing in my book so that is always the most important thing in choosing a home. Good schools = valuable home.
I am glad that your psychiatrist is consulting with your OBGYN. Any medication has to be with your OB's approval. You do not want to do anything to hurt the baby. I personally did not like Arizona and my wife loves the ocean. She made me promise no more Arizona. You have a big advantage. Your husband works for a corporation in the area and is part of the Air Guard so you will develop a social circle very quickly.
My wife just finished her first week of school. I was a very good husband and listened to her vent about her school day. She is a speech language pathologist and has 32 students on her case load. More than any other therapist in the district. I have told her that the reward for good work is more work. The only good thing is that with her spots filled up they cannot give her anymore work or surprise her with any changes. Those 32 students are divided among 10 general education teachers, so scheduling is a nightmare. I am a veteran husband of an educator and anticipate the start of a new school year by stocking up on a lot of wine, mostly for me but my wife certainly needs it.
I am hoping your pregnancy is progressing well. Continue to update us.
Thank you so much for the comment--yes I don't get the public schools in Tucson at all. There are some great school districts but they aren't in the city at all. When you look at a map, there's almost like ring around the city from the little commuter neighborhoods that have great school districts but those aren't the best houses. It's definitely something we are looking into! I want a nice house but I also sort of insist on public schools for my kids so I think there will be some compromises we have to make.
DeleteIf it really improves on your and Bubs time together and the kids are OK with it I't should be worth it. And. The lone star State isn't moving anywhere. I have never been to the US and the regular swedish tourist trip seems to be to New York or Florida and that does'nt interest me much. The south has alwas seemed more grand and beautiful. Any beautiful tourist recomendations for Texas ... or Arizona of course? Wouldn't mind hearing about your professional school memories either. What kind of teacher are you?
ReplyDeleteLike I would actually say if you ever come to the US--the places that I've been that are truly can't miss are Savannah, Georgia and Taos, New Mexico. Those are the two places that I've been that still have their traditional culture as part of daily life (or so it seemed to me). Lots of cities in the US are really the same in that they all have a Target, they all have a Chili's and you get the idea. Taos and Savannah have those too but there are central areas where it seems like isn't that much different than it was 100 years ago.
DeleteMy specialty is elementary education but I also have my admin certificate. But I have always worked with the little kids, mostly kinder and first but this year I'm doing a combined 2nd and 3rd grade class. I did do some subbing in middle school and high school and I can certainly see the benefits but I really enjoy having my own class all day. I know you are teacher too...may I ask what you teach?
I always tell my students that one of the big blessings of my life is that I'm paid to talk about things that are also my private hobbies. That might not be one 100% true but it's at least one third true. I teach history, religion, social science and geography in high school. (If you look at my picture you will se my roman shield and armour in the background. I bring some of that to class sometimes. ) I'm tempted to apply for college but I like the agebracket 12-16. They change so much.
DeleteHi, Dani. Nice to see you blogging, glad you're generally liking what you see of Tucson. Housing prices are insane at the moment in most cities, I believe, and I know that a lot of older adults from the north (like from my state) are still moving to Tucson (and to Phoenix), either full time or seasonally, to escape the cold and, if they're from Illinois or Minnesota, sometimes the taxes. So the housing costs aren't really surprising. I had a cousin who lived in Phoenix for a while and EquivalentBee is right about getting air conditioning insurance - the summers are only going to get hotter, and if your air conditioner goes on the blink your house can heat up to unsafe levels pretty quickly. Of course where I live if the heat goes out in January things can get scarily cold, so ...
ReplyDeleteHard as it is to make friends and develop a social circle in a new place, you have some advantages that not everyone has. You'll have your children's school, and as an educator you would be a VERY desirable member of the PTA/PTO. And your daughter will be on a JiuJitsu team, so you'll be part of that parent group. My husband and I established some pretty good friendships through our kids' sports, back in the day., as well as through joining the PTO at their elementary school. And while I know you weren't thinking of joining a church right away, my offer to ask my SIL to try to vet the Episcopal churches in the Tucson area is open if you do decide to join a faith community. At least one of the churches will be "unabashedly Episcopalian" (I hope).
Glad your psychiatrist and OB/GYN are collaborating on your care, and I hope you can find a medical team in Tucson that will also work collaboratively with each other. I also hope (as in, REALLY hope) that you and Kiddo will continue with your marital therapy for the foreseeable future, even if it means virtual sessions with your therapist and even if it means the expense is out-of-pocket. You're heading into multiple stressful events all at once, and that can do a number on anyone, and on any marriage. The last thing you and Kiddo need is to fall back into established but maladaptive communication patterns, but it's easy to do when the stress meter goes up.
You'll find the right house. EquivalentBee is right again when he suggests that you prioritize schools when looking, but as a teacher you know what questions to ask and how to research the reputations of various schools in various neighborhoods. I don't think a fixer-upper should be too much of a problem if that's what's in the budget in the better school districts, because you've already remodeled one house and it seems to be something that taps into your creativity, and that you enjoy. I really do think the move to Tucson will be a net win for your family. You need the change, and Kiddo needs to get away from the business with your father so you both have time to really nurture your marriage.
And EquivalentBee? As an educational SLP myself I must say I envy your wife! I'm part time-ish (0.8 FTE) and have around 50 kids on my caseload right now, plus supervision of a (wonderful, amazing) SLPA, and my SLPA has around 45 kids. The numbers are crazy and the kids who we treat are presenting with more severe expressive-receptive language disabilities than we used to see at the secondary level. The building SLPs in my district don't do our own evals, thank heaven (we have an eval team for that) but creating a workable therapy schedule is Evil Nightmare Tetris. I'm getting too old for this - I really do need to retire. Anyway, sending your wife a virtual glass or three of wine.
Hello again Dani. Taking a break from correcting exams to thinking about life over i Texas (Got to think of it while listening to Zach Bryan while cleaning ahead of my youngest brithdayparty.) One thing you almost haven't mentioned at least not directly is your familylife outside of Bubs and your kids. How was it groing up. In some ways it sounds lite some perfect texas dream but in other ways it sounds less than perfect. Your father sometimes sound like something of a giant male baby (not very mature), your mother is hardly mentioned. These are the people who shaped you for better and for worse.
ReplyDelete