The war continues--not bad Bubs, but how does a guy manage to mess up so bad...twice?

Your little shot was OK Bubs, I give you a C+, but you're not as good as you think you are. 

When we were 17, I was so ready for sex that I could hardly contain myself. I know I told the story on reddit about how I had planned on giving it up on our trip to the ranch but a certain moron ended up getting us lost. So any amorous feelings that day were replaced with fear that I was going to be eaten by coyotes. What I didn't say on reddit was that was the second time in just a matter of a few weeks that my idiot boyfriend (now husband, ughhhh what was I thinking?) managed to mess up with a very willing girlfriend. 

Ever since we were little my Dad's family has always done a week long trip to somewhere along the gulf coast. That year, it was going to be Spring Break in Orange Beach. For months I begged my parents to let Bubs come with us. At first it was absolutely not but when one of my boy cousins had to drop out and there was a bed for Bubs in my uncle's condo so they relented and let him go with us. I schemed for weeks as to how we could be alone and have our first time be in a bed with a sliding glass door open to the beach and waves. But with 20+ family members around I knew I odds were against me. 

My family is super cheap so we would literally eat baloney sandwiches for a week but the tradition had become that on Wednesday, my dad and uncles would take everyone out for a big dinner at one of the local places. Because those dinners last for hours, I knew that was my best chance. I told my parents that Bubs and I wouldn't be able to go because our AP Lit teacher was going to have a conference call that night to make sure we were studying for the AP test, even over the break. I thought I was brilliant, my mom knew I was full of it (she had already gotten me on the pill), my older sister (to this day, she and my mom compete for queen bee of the family) was super suspicious but my dad bought it, hook, line and sinker. 

The big day came and I was so confident and so excited I could hardly contain myself. I was going to get laid. My older cousin (the same one from the Riverwalk story) had even taken me to get waxed and sugared because I wanted it to be perfect--and even that pain didn't deter me. I was so ready. 

At about 4 or so my family started to get ready for the big dinner and I jumped in the shower and scrubbed myself from head to toe. In the middle of my shower, I hear my older sister scream "Danielle, you need to get out here NOW!" I threw on a robe and I walked out and saw my mom, my dad and my older sister and a very dejected looking Bubs sitting on the couch. Of course my older sister stood up first and adamantly said "do you know what he just said to Jess (our younger sister)?" My mom told her that was enough and she and my dad would handle this. Jenn protested that she had to be a part of this because if she wasn't I was going to get off too easy. My mom sent her away and I was about to find out what happened. 

My absolute moron, idiot, fool, super cringe boyfriend apparently didn't know two things. One that sisters borrow each others swimsuits, and two that I was up in the shower and not on the beach. The story has morphed a bit over the years because it is now stuff of family legend but since I wasn't actually a witness, this is my best explanation of what happened. My little sister was standing on the boardwalk between the condo and the beach and Bubs came up behind and put his hands on her hips and whispered into her ear saying things like "I'm so excited for tonight, I can't believe you pulled this off" and "since we aren't using a condom, I may not last very long the first time but the second time will be good I promise." My sisters and I have been mistaken for twins and triplets many times and coupled with the fact that Bubs is one of the stupidest smart men to ever live, I know it was an innocent mistake. But my poor little sister was horrified and I know Bubs was too when he realized that he had basically lustfully confessed to the wrong member of the family. 

Apparently little my sister tried to play it off that she understood and walked off but she did tell our older sister who was on our way to up condo. Older sister figuratively grabbed Bubs by the ear and dragged him along for punishment. That's when I was called out of the shower. 

We were sat down on the couch (across the room from each other) and were lectured about being responsible and not embarrassing ourselves in front of family and how God always expects the best from us. It was pretty embarrassing but it wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me.  I think even my dad knew that it was only a matter of time before I gave into the charms of the handsome future Air Force pilot with dimples, he just didn't want it to be on a vacation he was paying for.  We wrapped it up and my dad said "you two are just going to have to explain to your teacher that you had to miss his call because we can't trust you two to be alone tonight and you're coming to dinner." Bubs, my mom and I all looked at each other like, we're getting off light no reason to correct dad on that small detail. 

True to my dad's word, we had a chaperone with us for the rest of the week and we didn't so much as hug each other until we were back in Texas--which probably had the unintended consequence of making me even hornier. And one of the reasons why I dressed like a country cutie/slut on the trip to ranch--which may have actually been the following weekend. But Bubs messed that one up too. 

My older sister fumed the entire time because she was convinced that I had gotten off so easy and if she had tried to have sex on a family vacation she would be grounded for life. I think she's actually still mad about it. My younger sister has long since forgiven Bubs but she loves to torture him with it, good for her. 

So yeah bubs, the little old lady at the park thought I had a cute butt. I did and still do. You confessed your fears of being a one pump chump to my little sister and ruined weeks of planning where you could have scored. You think you're better at this that me? Your move.