Our new babysitter and our latest argument-would love to get your thoughts!

 So to get it out of the way, one of the things I miss most about posting on reddit was that it was so much more interactive. I loved reading comments (well the positive ones anyways) and I loved chatting with everyone, even if the messages were short. This blog site makes that so much more difficult because I don't get any notification that people are commenting and when I do see them I can't reply from the comments page. I'm still enjoying posting here but I wish it were as quick and easy to interact as it was on reddit. Yesterday and today are events where I would love to get some thoughts and I'm hoping since I'm asking for your inputs, I can use this as a test run to see how to set up a pattern to check and respond to comments. 

One of the things we are going to try to do in the next few months is get our kids used to having babysitters that aren't family members. Bubs and I have made a commitment that even after we move, we are going to continue to do more "us" time and in Arizona I can't just tell the kids to go to Aunt Jenn's or check to see if grandma is home. Yesterday I had an Ob/Gyn appointment and Bubs was able to get an appointment with a Sports Medicine specialist. Both appointments were in one of the bigger cities close to us but separated by a couple hours so we figured we'd take the afternoon off and get Whataburger on the road for lunch, do some shopping between the appointments and then have a nice dinner before heading home. 

I got a recommendation for a babysitter from a friend at church. The girl's name is Evie and since I'm a mom leaving her kids with a non-relative for the first time, I really wanted some reassurances that she was competent and wouldn't just sit on her phone all evening while the kids ran wild. I texted her and she replied with links to all of her social media, a google doc with all of her experience and references and a short resume. She's an elementary education major at the smaller university close to us, her reference page had several families I know and trust and she had a little blurb saying that her phone is only for emergencies when she is watching kids. I immediately liked and trusted her.  I looked at her Instagram for way longer than I should have because not only is she stunningly pretty, but the pics from her summer vacation (Ibiza, Italy and Greece) made me want to leave my husband and kids in the middle of the night and travel the world as the free spirit that I've never been.  After some texting back and forth, she said she would love to watch the kids on Friday. 

Our plan was get the kids out of school just before lunch, have Evie meet us at our house and she would stay with them for the afternoon and we'd be back by 7 or so. But as the time went on, we decided that maybe we should just stay in a hotel overnight and really get some time together. I checked around and my sisters, my parents, Bub's parents and his sister all had plans but I figured I'd take a long shot and see if Evie would be willing to stay overnight. She said she would love to but wanted to make sure that she and the kids clicked before saying absolutely yes. I loved her honesty and I loved that fact that she was thinking about the kids first so we agreed to a tentative yes, that she would stay over and if it worked we would be back by 10 or 11 on Saturday morning. 

Bubs had to work out at the warehouse yesterday to work with his new engineer so I left my classroom in the hands of my favorite sub and went to pick up the kids. We got to the house and Evie was already waiting for us outside. She was early, I was like ok this girl is amazing. When she got out of her car to meet us, I couldn't help but notice her Instagram pictures didn't do her justice and she's not pretty, she's like a freaking supermodel. She was so friendly and she did everything I would do as a teacher to meet kids; get down on their level, make eye contact, talk to them in a friendly but not childlike voice and ask them questions about themselves. My daughter was pretty stand-offish as I would expect but my son, the little flirt, grabbed her by the hand and told her that he would take her inside and introduce her to "the nice dogs and the one mean dog and show her his room." She went along with it and I was able to unpack and bring things inside as he took care of the house tour. By the time I got everything settled he came running up to me and said "mom, mom, mom, Evie says we can swim all afternoon! Can she stay overnight so we can do Mario Cart?" I smiled at her and asked her if she thought she would be comfortable staying overnight, she said that in all the babysitting she'd done, she'd never hit it off with a kid like that. We did a little bit more formal tour and I told her where everything was and where she could sleep and pointed out my parents' and sisters' houses and kind of let her take over with the kids as I got some paperwork together for my appointment and packed to get on the road.  

Our bedroom is on the second story overlooking the backyard and we have a sliding glass door out to a little patio. I could hear splashing in the pool so I opened the door just to make sure everything was going ok. She was throwing them in the pool from the deck so even my daughter had warmed up to her. I want to be very cautious what I say here because I don't ever want to sound like a hypocrite. I think women are beautiful, I dated two girls in college because on a physical and emotional level I'm generally more attracted to women than I am men (save for one total nerd/jerk who managed to rip me away from the happy Sapphic life for which I was probably intended), I worked at Hooters, I wear bikinis with more butt cheek showing than most other moms and I've gladly gone topless at a nude beach in California. But as much as already loved Evie, holy crap, I did not love her choice of swimsuit, especially since my 6 year old son was wide eyed and staring at her mostly bare ass as he was waiting for his turn to be thrown in the pool. There wasn't much more fabric on the top either. 

I heard Bubs come in the front door so I ran down the stairs and asked him to come to a back window so he could see what I was seeing. His comment was something like "well I think we just inadvertently established what is 'type' will be, he could do worse I guess." His comment annoyed me but I really didn't want to fight with him so I ignored that and asked if the thought her bikini was appropriate. He said that we've been at the lake and tubing on the river enough times in the past few years to know that college girls "with great bodies" wear thong bikinis, even when they are with families. In my head, I was like holy crap dude, strike two. But to be honest, I would have been a little worried had he not noticed--she was stunning. He could probably read my mind that I was a little annoyed because he tried to deflect and said that he loves seeing my butt in a cheeky swimsuit--which more than helping made me feel bad that I had judged her when people probably think that I show too much skin for a woman my age too. And yes, had the full on thong been in style when I was in college, I would have probably worn that style as well. 

I finished packing and called down from the sliding glass door and told her that we were fixing to leave and we wanted to give them some final instructions. She said she would get the kids out and meet us in the kitchen. So to fast forward to the argument Bubs and I had--I think she was flirting with him. I'm a terrible flirt because I've never had to be good at it because I was basically engaged at 15.To give Evie and my husband the benefit of the doubt I may have been reading too much into the situation. This is where I would love to get some outside input, because I'm already a bi-polar overthinker, I'm 9 weeks pregnant, I was exhausted after a week of teaching and it was hard not to compare myself to the girl who's 11 years younger and 6 inches taller than me with zero cellulite. That girl was standing in my kitchen (thank god she'd wrapped a bath sheet around her chest but it was still clear she had stunning body underneath ).  I'll give you what was said and what was going through my head as the conversation was happening. 

Evie to my husband: Oh my god I've seen you before! You do the running group in (her college town), with your brother right? In my head: Wait what! Oh he's secretly been cheating on me with this gorgeous college girl. Listen close, you'll need this for the divorce trial. 

Bubs: Oh yeah, right, we'll actually that's her brother (points at me) but it's been a while, obviously (while he chuckled and tapped the cast on his lower leg). Oh aren't you funny, uhhh lover boy, don't forget the lady you knocked up who's been waiting on you hand and foot for the last two weeks. 

Evie: Oh, I'm so sorry! What happened? Lol, listen to this cutie--what happened is he's an idiot and maybe you'd be doing me a favor by taking him off my hands and then I can dance the night away in Ibiza. 

Bubs: (nervous laughter) I actually fell out of a tree at my son's baseball practice last Monday. Oh so you do remember you have a family. Well I only hate you a little less than I did when you said she had a great body. 

Evie: What? You fell out of a tree? Aren't you and your brother in law training for an ultra-marathon in New Mexico? Yes, he fell out of a tree. Wait--what in the absolute hell? How could know that much about him? I'm googling a divorce lawyer while they make googly eyes at each other. 

Bubs: I honestly don't know if we've ever met, how did you know that? Right, say that because you have some major face saving to do. 

Evie: Oh my god, I'm so sorry if that sounded weird. My friend has the biggest crush on your brother, oh sorry, your brother (points at me) and since she couldn't find any of his social media she asked around. Are you guys planning on coming back? I'll take this one Evie. No. 

Bubs: Wow, small world. Well that's what my appointment is for today so not sure and he had a really bad breakup this summer but I'm happy to tell him and maybe he'll join the group again. What's your friends name? Hey asshole, he's my brother, I'm rooting for him to get back with his ex and you're not his goddamn pimp. 

Evie: Well good luck, I hope it goes well! And I hope it goes well for you too! How far along are you? Oh yes, I'm still here. Sorry you're 11 years younger and 6 inches taller than me, I guess I'm sooooo easy to forget. 

Me: Oh we're pretty sure it's exactly 9 weeks today. This is just to go over some medication ideas that another doctor had for me. Hey, don't let your guard down. This is how she steals your family. 

Evie: Well you look stunning, when I met you outside you really did have that glow. Oh thank you! Wow that is so sweet, I don't feel good but hormones really hit early with this one and I'm hoping...great so she's charmed you too. Tighten up Dani, this is your competition. 

Our son came in begging to go swimming with Evie again. Oh great you too, little Judas! So we double and triple checked to make sure that she was ok watching them overnight. We gave her some final instructions and made sure that she knew how to contact us and all the relatives and we got in the car and got on the road. 

Since I have zero ability to keep my mouth shut, it took about two minutes for me to ask him about his comments that he made while we watching from the living room. I think in my mind I was trying to make it so I was lightly teasing him but it probably didn't come across that way. First I started off asking him what he meant by saying that we had inadvertently given our son his type. He tried to explain that it's just natural that when kids our sons age is that the first really pretty girl or woman he has fun with is probably going have a big impact on who he's attracted to in the future. The only word I heard in the whole sentence was "pretty." This is how the next 45 minutes of conversation went (just repeat this over and over and over again) 

Me: So you did think she was pretty? 

Bubs: That's not what I'm saying and you know it. 

Me: No, that's exactly what you said. You just said she was pretty. 

Bubs: Danielle, you know better than I do that she was a pretty woman. That's not saying I'm attracted to her or anything like that. Put it this way I met you when I was T's age and I'm married to you. 

Me: Oh and you also said she had a "great body," lets not forget that. And you know that when you call me by my full name, I think you are being hostile. 

Bubs: Dani, I don't want to fight with you over this. 

Me: Ok, lets fight about how bad she was flirting with you. And guess what, I don't know any of our friends who wouldn't be upset if their husband said the baby sitter had a "great body." And that's not even the weirdest part-- how could she possibly know that much about you?

Bubs: You literally just witnessed the first time I ever spoke to her. If she hadn't said anything, I would have no idea who she was. She wasn't flirting with me. 

Me: Right, I can only imagine how the conversation would have gone had I not been a witness. And what are you doing trying to set Brian up with someone, you realize he's still getting over Paula right?

Bubs: Dani, I don't think you feel very well. Let's pause this because we are supposed to have a nice afternoon right? We can't have a nice afternoon if we are at each other's throats. 

Me: My husband just flirted with a gorgeous girl that he said was pretty and had a "great body" right in front of me and you have the nerve to blame it on how I'm feeling? I'm feeling like you don't respect me. 

Bubs: How many different ways do you want me to explain this to you? You yourself just used "gorgeous" to describe her. That has nothing to do with me. 

Me: So you did think she was pretty?

And repeat....

Neither of us realized that we had forgotten to get food on the way out of town so after the argument and not eating since breakfast, I was beyond starving. Thank god we had time to grab a quick bite before we went into the Ob/gyn. I ate all of my hamburger and Bubs could see that I was still starving but we didn't have a chance to go through the drive through again so he gave me half of his. It was actually very sweet and I told him that I'm sorry I'm crazy. He said that he doesn't think I'm crazy, I just have a lot going on right now. 

The whole point of seeing the Ob/Gyn was to go over some potential medications the psychiatrist said she was willing to try during pregnancy. The bottom line is Ob/Gyn is not convinced by the research that say common anti-depressants don't have an impact on the baby and while its ultimately going to be my choice, she recommends against it. She said there are some studies that show really depressed pregnant women may have some benefits that outweigh the potential downsides because it makes them feel better towards pregnancy and upcoming life changes but she doesn't think I'm in that category. I really was trying to joke when I said:

Me (pointing at my husband): Well he's going to be disappointed, I think if he had his choice he'd put me on all the crazy pills. 

Bubs: Dani, I don't know if you are joking right now and I literally just said I don't think you're crazy. Those were your words, not mine. 

Me: Sorry Doctor, we've had a rough day. 

Bubs: Yes we have. 

I've known this doctor forever. The only kid in our family that she hasn't delivered was my daughter because we were out of state at the time but she delivered my son, all of my sisters' kids, several cousins, etc... so she knows us very well.  She gave us both a pretty stern lecture that even at this early stage of development, parental stress is not good for the baby. She said she could see it in both of our faces that we were stressed and we needed to do something about it. She obviously knew I'm working with the psychiatrist and counselor but we told her that we've been in marriage counseling since July and despite present circumstances, we've actually made a lot of progress. She insisted we keeps seeing the counselor and we set got set up for our first ultrasound at 16 weeks. 

We had a few hours to kill before Bubs appointment and we had originally planned on going shopping. I told him that I either wanted him to take me home and he could come back by himself or I needed a nap and I didn't want to walk around. He called our hotel and they said they were ready for us so we decided just to chill out in the room for a bit. We were pretty quiet on the drive and when we got in the room, the second I got my shoes off, I passed out really hard. It was one of those naps that it took me a good 3 or 4 minutes to realize where I was when I woke up. I looked over at Bubs and he was scrolling on his phone and he asked how I was feeling. The whole fight came rushing back but thank god I remembered one of the things our marriage counselor said that we need to do is find another outlet for our aggression when we are upset at each other. Paraphrasing, she said "as long as you are both willing, angry sex can be one of the best outlets a couple can engage in." I didn't respond to his question, rather I just rolled over on top of him and to save the gory details, got to work. It was probably the best sex we've had in a very long time. 

We didn't have time to even shower before we had to go to his appointment which I have to admit, was kind of feral and sexy feeling. I twirled his hair as he drove and just smiled because I really do love the stupid idiot. The Sports Medicine doctor said that it looks like the small fractures were on their way to healing but he wants an MRI because certain spots are still very tender which may indicate ligament damage. But since Bubs is in such great shape, he wants him to do some light stretching and rotations as long as they aren't painful. Bubs did get his cast cut off and now has a walking boot and will just need a few days to transition off the crutches as long as the pain is dissipating. 

He asked if I still wanted to go to dinner and I said I'd actually just rather go back to the hotel and have angry sex again and then get Door Dash. He said that's fine with him because he's still angry. I told him I was too and I would really like to know what he meant when he said our new baby sitter was pretty and had a great body. He said since were being honest about being angry he was going to be honest, she's pretty and she has a great body but that doesn't mean anything.  I actually appreciated that he wasn't trying to deflect and asked him if he was being totally honest about never having met her before because it didn't seem like that from the way she talked to him. He said that he and Brian had run with that group maybe 3 times and it makes much more sense that Brian innocently smiled at the friend and she was smitten because that's just how he is with girls. I asked to define what he actually meant what he meant by "great body," was it her small boobs? was it her butt? Her flat stomach? Just give me some clarity. He told me it was the fact that she probably knows when to shut the fuck up and let things go. I asked him how he knew that if he never met before. His response was that I had two seconds to shut up or he was going smack my ass so hard as to leave a hand print--I told him I didn't think he had it in him but he's welcome to try. We were still upset but there was definitely a lighter tone than there had been before. 

We got back to the room and we kissed and made out like we were in high school. Sadly, I was spent and I finally had to tell him that as much fun as I was having, I needed to eat and I was going to fall asleep. He said he was exhausted too. We got Chinese food and I easily downed two servings of orange chicken and joked that he didn't want to get his hand in the way of me eating because I looked like velociraptor eating a fresh kill and he'd get his hand bitten off. I joked back it's not the only thing that's going to be bitten off if he comments how cute the baby sitter is again. He prodded me for acting jealous and I prodded him for being a creepy old man. It was actually very fun and I think a good way for us to recover from the stress earlier in the day. I don't know, I guess were really weird. 

I fell asleep at about 8 and slept like an absolute rock. The last thing I remember before drifting off was him telling me to not be surprised if I woke up with his parts in my parts and I told him to do what he has to do but try not to wake me up. Apparently he didn't make good on his promise and I was actually a little bummed. 

We drove back this morning. Evie looked fresh as a friggin' daisy even after watching two brand new kids all night. My kids loved her and said that she was way more fun that Aunt Jenn or Aunt Jess. I could tell my husband was being very cautious as to what he said to her which made me chuckle. After she left I told him it's ok, she's gorgeous, I can't deny it. I told him that maybe she should move to Arizona with us since the kids loved her so much and they can have a nanny and he can have his eye candy. He told me straight up that "I'm tired of your shit  Danielle, I love but you are fucking exhausting." I told him that I loved him too but maybe we should take a break today since yesterday was so intense for good and bad reasons. He agreed and as far as I know he went out to work and I hung out with my sisters so the kids could all play together. 

So yeah another one for the books for Bubs and Danielle. 

I just read this back over and while I'm trying to be truthful, I really come across like a bitch here--and I'm the one telling the story! Maybe I really am that way, maybe I am exhausting, unpredictable and overly emotional. 

I guess that's why I spent so much time on this today because I really would like some thoughts and genuine outside opinions on why this started and how to avoid in the future. My sisters agreed that if their husbands would have made similar comments they would have been in day long fights too. They also said of all 3 of the husbands, Bubs is the one who worships his wife the most and he probably did just mean that Evie was "aesthetically pleasing"  as opposed to him having any sort of genuine attraction to her. We stalked her Instagram for a really long time and they agreed that it would be hard for any man to not find her beautiful.  

Was she flirting with him? Was it inappropriate for him to say what he said about the babysitter? How could I have approached the comments in a different way to let him know that they really bothered me but that I do love and trust him. It's going to be couple of weeks before we see our therapist again and I don't want to let this potential learning experience pass. 

I don't know, maybe this is just us and we are destined to live our lives as bickering idiots. I can't wait to see what happens when we are in our 70s and he forgets to clip the coupon for the early bird buffet. Him liking Evie's cute butt in thong would have been child's play. Would love your thoughts!