Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...

 Am I gangsta? No of course not, I'm a boring wife and mom from central Texas. However, on occasion  I'm pretty cunning and get some things done. 

I had a therapy appointment on Tuesday so I had already planned on taking the morning off. Since I'm basically in love with our new baby sitter I decided to text her and see if maybe she was teaching at her Yoga studio. She texted me back right away and said that she was not on the schedule but she would see if someone would swap with her. I told her she didn't have to do that and she replied that she really enjoyed talking with me so she was happy to check. This girl knows how to make me feel special! She texted back about 10 minutes later saying she had swapped with a girl and she would be teaching the 10am class, which worked perfect with my appointment. 

Therapy went great and I had a little bit of time to kill so I drove over to the Yoga studio and see if they'd let me in early to change and just hang out. Evie was already there and after I changed she and I sat and talked for a good 20 minutes before the class started. We talked about how she had family in Waco but they've all moved back to New Mexico, she's kind of a had a falling out with her friends, she doesn't really want to go out and she's just kind of in a lonely period in her life. In these moments, my husband calls me "the good idea fairy" and boy did I have a doozey. Evie is a perfect match for my little brother. 

I've talked about my brother, Brian, quite a bit because I adore, love and worry myself sick about him all at the same time. He's also had a very special relationship with my husband that has evolved to where they are now truly best friends. Since he grew up as the baby of the family with 3 significantly older sisters, by necessity he had to become one of the most charming men to ever exist. He's also incredibly good looking but those two major life advantages got him in a lot trouble into his early 20s. A few years ago he met an amazing exchange student who completely changed him and for a while, he was the guy we always knew he could be. However they broke up this summer and after a period of mourning, Brian was sort of back to his old ways and is now dating a girl who seems hell bent on his destruction as a decent guy.

Evie was an incredible Yoga teacher, she was so sweet and encouraging and I had so much fun in her class. After the class we ended up talking for a good hour. The conversation steered towards  her love life and she said that she had broken up with a long term boyfriend in the spring and had tried dating apps but said they were too exhausting. She had more or less given up on finding a decent but it made her really sad because she really wants to get married and have kids but just doesn't see it happening with the way men are these days.  In my head, I was like oh no you haven't given up girl, things are in the works. We talked a bit more about her friends and I casually asked about the friend who had seen my brother at the running club to make sure I wasn't going to be stepping on any toes. She said that friend is already dating another guy and they didn't really talk anymore anyways. Game on, game on. 

So you can go through the comments section on my last post to see the interaction between me and my husband when I told him about my plan. The cutest part of that interaction is Bubs thinking that he had any say in the matter. Operation Evie/Brian was going down. I called and asked Evie if she would like come over on Saturday to help me watch the kids and maybe do dinner with our whole family and she said she would love to. I texted Brian and didn't hear back from him but I knew he would come. My plan was in motion. 

I may be gangsta mastermind when it comes to matchmaking but I'm also one of the most forgetful people ever and I completely spaced that Friday is our 11th anniversary and Bubs and I are flying to San Diego to see Kacey Musgraves among other things. I woke up like a shot at 2:30 on Wednesday morning realizing my mistake. I shook Bubs awake and asked him if he remembered we were going to San Diego. He said of course he did. I asked him why he didn't tell me as I was setting up dinner for Saturday. He said it was too funny and he wanted to see how far I'd get before I remembered. I told him that maybe we should cancel our trip. That really woke him up and he said there's no way he's cancelling a trip where we already have flights, concert tickets, a rental car and appointment with a relator in Tucson for some hairbrained matchmaker idea. If he really loved me he would let me do what I want, whenever I want but I guess I had to concede he had a point (just kidding Bubs, you love me, and don't you forget it). 

I told him we just would have to do the dinner on Wednesday. He said "Wednesday, as in today?" I said of course. He said no. I kissed him on the head and told him he better play along. He said he didn't have the ingredients to make his Red Chile Enchiladas and since Evie has family in New Mexico, that's the whole pretense for bringing her over. I told him I know he has a secret stash of chile in the garage freezer and to quit fighting me on this. He accused me of being a snoop and I agreed. 

I barely slept but I had to kick it into high gear;  I had to work to do. I had to scheme to get both of them over to my house and I had to make sure Bubs wouldn't drag his feet about cooking. I knew Evie would be the easy one. Brian still had not responded to me about Saturday but I know he always responds instantly to Bubs. When Bubs was in the shower, I took his phone and looked through he and Brian's texts because if I was going to text as my husband it had to be convincing. I had no idea how boring men are on text. Everything was either one or two words and thumbs up emojis. I texted "dinner with us tonight?" Brian instantly texted back "where?" "Bubs" (lol, me) said "our house" Brian texted back "time?" I texted back "4:30 if you can, kids want to swim." I was like crap, that was way too many words. Brian responded with a thumbs up. Lol, men are such simple creatures. Accuse me of being a snoop, eh Bubs. Yes, but I'm great at it. 

When I had a minute at school, I texted Evie and told her what was essentially the truth, that I had forgotten we were going to California and had to cancel on Saturday. I was also being truthful when I said I needed to pack and asked her if there was any way she could take our daughter to Jiu-jitsu this afternoon and then maybe stay over for dinner since my husband was making Red Chile enchiladas. She said she would love to. I told her our son would be heartbroken if she didn't going swimming with him and she said she would love to do that too. We agreed on how much we'd pay her. Yes, I'm willing to pay nice girls to make my brother happy--that didn't sound right but you get the idea (I hope). It was all coming together. 

I arranged for Evie to pick the kids up from school and had her take my son to mom's and my daughter to her class. I got home about 4 and Bubs was already busy cooking and as much as he pretended like this whole situation was annoying him, I know he was excited too. Brian was early and it was nice to catch up with him for a bit before the big reveal. I said "two things, is your girlfriend pregnant (one of my biggest fears lately) and if not when are you breaking up with her?" He said I had the subtlety of a 4th of July parade and they had broken up about a week ago. I hugged him and said thank you, thank you, thank you. 

About then Evie and my daughter walked through the front door. Brian looked at Bubs and asked who else was coming. Bubs said "ask her." I said it was sort of informal thing so I wasn't sure exactly how many people other people coming but you know we'll flow with it. Bubs looked at Brian and shook his head no as if to say I was full of it. Brian told Bubs that he wished he would have told him it was a set up when he texted him this morning. Bubs said he didn't text him which was my cue to slink into the entry way and welcome Evie  leaving them to figure out the mysterious texts. 

Brian followed after me and any initial awkwardness was quelled when Brian said he recognized Evie from the running club. Evie said, that yeah it had made for an awkward couple of minutes when she met us last Friday because she had sounded like a stalker.  About then my mom came in with my son. She told my brother that she didn't know he was coming over and asked how he was doing since she hadn't seen him in a while. I was worried she'd ask about his now ex but as if on cue our son busted out "EVIE!!!!! I thought you were just getting us from school! Go swimming with me! Uncle Brian you have to see how far Evie can throw me in the pool!" Evie said it was nice to meet everyone but she couldn't resist how cute our son is and said she'd get changed. With Evie upstairs, my mom asked me what I was up to. Brian answered for me and said "little Ms. Matchmaker here seems to have a plan." My mom said "good, maybe Dani has better taste in women than you do lately, is that girl really from around here? She's beautiful. She talked to your dad when she dropped T off and even he said how pretty she was." I said yes that she was the babysitter I had told her about and she's an absolute peach in every way. My mom told Brian to be on his best behavior and excused herself and with that I knew the word was on the street and my sisters would be over any minute.  

While Evie was changing I had a couple of minutes to ask Brian what he thought, he said she was really good looking and seemed nice but my lack of subtlety was making it really weird. I told him to just be himself. I could hear the upstairs bathroom open and I sort of nudged him and told him just wait until he saw her swimsuit (or lack thereof). The ONLY mistake she made that night was to wear one piece racer suit. She still looked amazing but I was like girl, I'm trying to get you married--bring out the goods! Our son told Brian he had to come swimming too. I asked them if they were ok to swim while Bubs and I finished up dinner. Evie said of course and Brian just shook his head at me. 

Bubs and I were able to watch from the kitchen and to say there was instant chemistry is an understatement. I think having our kids as a little willing cannonballs provided a nice distraction from the awkward talk that usually has to happen.  They threw the kids, they did chicken fights, they played some crazy game called "fish" that Evie knew from her childhood--like the perfect fun aunt/uncle combo. Of course my nosy ass sisters stopped by (what can I say, they are related to me) and they both chastised Bubs for always being such a wet blanket to my plans (ha!). They went out to meet Evie and say hello to Brian since he rarely ever comes around anymore. They each went back to their houses but gave me huge thumbs up on their way out. With that she'd now met almost our entire family. Bubs said she must feel like I zoo animal. I pointed out the window and Brian was giving the "zoo animal" a piggy back ride while our daughter was on her shoulders and our son was trying to climb up from the bottom--she seemed like she was doing just fine. 

We finished up making dinner and invited them inside. Everyone said they were really hungry so they'd skip a shower and get changed. We had an amazing time at dinner and despite Brian being a little bit older than Evie (he's 24, she's 21) they had a ton in common and the conversation between the four of us was just so fun and easy.  I think it was pretty obvious that I was responsible for trying to set them up but they got along so well, I don't think it mattered.  

After dinner, our son wanted to show Brian how good Evie is at Mario Kart but Saint Evie suggested that maybe they finish the puzzle they had started on Friday night. So we all sat around working on a puzzle until it was done. Our son even fell asleep in Brian's lap...I need to tip him for how amazing his "performance" was. A couple of times Bubs and I were alone in the kitchen and I told him I couldn't get over how cute Evie and Brian were together and he accused me of being a pain in the ass. I told him that may be true, but I was right this time and reminded him when they tell their grandkids stories about how they met, Great Aunt Danielle will be the central figure. I love it when he rolls his eyes at me because then I can smack him on the butt and he always smacks me back. Bubs made me promise that I was done.  From now on it had to be organic--I couldn't tell them to exchange numbers, I couldn't set up any more dinners and I couldn't suggest dates for them to go on. I told him that I wouldn't have to, this was in the bag. 

We put the kids to bed at 8:30 and Evie and Brian  both said they needed to get going with hugs all around we said our goodbyes and they left. 

This is where my true " gangsta matchmaker" status was sealed forever. I went in to my son's room to say goodnight and I could see out his window that Brian and Evie were standing by her car while talking and laughing. I was so excited. I went to brush my teeth and came back and now they were sitting on the little yard bench we have. I squealed with delight and my son asked what I was doing. I asked him if he wanted to go sleep with Dad tonight and I would stay in his room. He said he would love that and I kept staring out the window. Bubs marched back in with our son and said mom had made a mistake, she was going to sleep in her bed and he tucked in our son and all but dragged me away. I couldn't sleep a wink so maybe 30 minutes later I went into our daughters room and now they were laying on our lawn! Not making out or anything but obviously enjoying each others company and engaging in the seriously deep conversation that's reserved for young people. 

Bubs came and found me and had to drag me back to our room again. I started singing "Damn it feels good to be gangsta" with my simulated gang signs right in his face. I have no idea what any of the other lyrics are to that song and I'm not musical enough to make any up but the chorus got my point across. Bubs said "go to bed gangsta, I guess I'll give you credit for this one." His firm boob squeeze was a nice touch--yeah worship my body and brain dumbass, I pulled it off.  Maybe 10 minutes later I heard their cars start up and drive out of the neighborhood. 

A few minutes after that Brian texted me "Sis i could see your dumb head in the window just so I don't get a million texts from you asking for an update me and evie want to take the kids tubing on Saturday can you work it out with mom and jenn?" 

Damn it feels good to be gangsta....

PS: Bubs since I know you are reading this right now, you'll love this. When I picked up Maddie this morning she got in the car and said "you shipped Uncle Brian? That's so cringe. Learn your role Aunt Dani." 

For everyone else, Maddie is my niece who just turned 14. I drive her to school every day. Usually we sing girly pop songs like Chappel Roan, Sabrina or Olivia Rodrigo but she wanted no part of it today. When we got to school I said "you still love me right?" she said of course but don't ever try to ship her. I pointed out a boy and said "he looks really cute, should I say hello for you?" She replied with "don't, don't, don't, don't.....don't...." and got out of the car. 

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta....